Day Six: Stranger

Stranger,

My first inclination with this letter was to write to you in an elaborately cobbled-together mesh of brilliant song lyrics. However, because I waited to write this until the wee hours of the morn, that will not be happening. It's not that you're not worth it, Stranger. It's simply that it would take a lot of time and effort on my part to put together something cohesive and as brilliant as I want to be. It would take me quite a long time to be happy with my work. Alas, we don't have that kind of time. Also, I lack the necessary energy and creativity.

Instead, I have opted to follow a list format. Here are the things that you'll need to know to get along with me. Also, sprinkled in is some free advice (like that one about spandex--you'll see!) and some random Jessica factoids. Enjoy!

• The quickest way to irk me is to challenge me somehow.
• Once challenged, I will go for broke--usually in the ugliest way possible. NEVER challenge me if you'd like to be friends.
• I have a softer, romantic-comedy type side, but you will never see it if you make fun of my love of feminine things.
• I like pink.
• Generally, it is poor form to tell someone that they look terrible. This is especially true if it occurs in the late hours of the night or the early hours of the morning.
• Never say, "God, what's wrong with you?!" It is impolite to insinuate that I have a problem. In fact, if I didn't have a problem before you asked me that question, I have one now.
• Spandex is never acceptable.
• Children are usually unwelcome in my presence. This may be amended for the well-behaved.
• Obsession du jour: Marianas Trench. Don't insult the Trench.
• I have a weakness for Degrassi, a Canadian teen drama. Don't you judge me, dammit.
• I can forgive just about any negative qualities in a person who has the ability to make me laugh. Humor is very important.
• Smelling good is vital. Deodorant is not expensive, people.
• Poor grammar or vocabulary KILLS me. Please be intelligent or fake it until you make it.
• I still believe in love. Real, true, sweep-you-off-your-feet love.
• Always be honest with me. You may be an excellent liar, but I will always find out the truth. Always. This never fails. And, once I find out that you have lied, it will go badly for you. Very badly.
• I can be a tad on the melodramatic sometimes. Usually, if you just let me bitch for about fifteen minutes, this will go away. Just be patient.
• I don't trust people. Not at all. I will always assume that you are lying until you can prove that you are not. This is especially true of people that claim to like or love me.
• I love to read.
• One of my biggest pet peeves is when people attempt to speak to me while I'm on the phone. If you see a phone stuck to my face and you're not on fire, wait until I'm done with my conversation.
• I love getting flowers, but I never feel like I deserve them.
• I love hand-written letters. I feel like there's an art to sitting down and actually writing a letter which has fallen by the wayside.
• The Harlequin romance-esque idea of the strong, manly, cowboy type is appealing to me--in the basest of ways.
• I love a man that can sing.
• I like dancing, but never enough to do it in public.
• I know that I can't really sing that well, but I love it when people make me feel like I'm good at it.
• If you have an urge to insinuate that women are of lesser value than men, keep yourself from doing it in my presence.

I'm pretty sure that these are the most vital advice, facts, and tips for getting along with me that I can offer right now. I mean, half the fun of getting to know someone is discovering what makes them tick, right? If that's your goal with me, good luck! It'll take time, and it will be hard-won. In the end, however, I like to think that it will be worth it.