Today, I'm 26, and all I can think is, "Who cares?"
I suppose it's time for me to write another lengthy update post, but let me just leave that for now.
I'm really hating my birthday and my circumstances today. There's nothing special about any of it. I know that some people are attached to the idea of birthdays being wonderful like geeks are attached to the argument about whether Han or Greedo shot first. Personally, I think they suck. Especially if you're as forgettable as I am.
Movies give you these false birthday hopes. You see people being thrown surprise parties or having a crap day that turns out to be fantastic and romantic and just what that person needed. There's this magical birthday experience that is everything that you wish your life could be, but it never happens to you.You don't see my day in movies: being kept up until three in the morning fighting with your spouse, going to class with hardly anyone knowing that you exist (except as the awkward fat girl who can't fit into the high school style individual desks), awkwardly blurting out answers which leave the room cricket-chirp quiet because no one knows how to reply, and an over-all feeling of wanting to crawl in a corner and not relinquish your place until you are forced. Perhaps movies aren't that brutally honest with patrons because they know that we don't want that. We go to movies to forget about how much our lives suck. People don't throw surprise parties for people like me. I'm supposed to go to movies to feel hopeful, like if it can happen for Amy Adams or Meryl Streep then it should give me hope so that I have something to cling to.
By the time you hit 25, all the milestones are gone. And, really, what is there to look forward to at 25 but cheaper insurance rates? (I'm pretty sure that I'm the only person out there who was legitimately excited about cheaper insurance rates for my 25th birthday. I can't figure out if that was in lieu of anything else to be excited about or if I'm really just that cheap.) I feel like 26 really is indifference territory. What's to look forward to? What's there to be excited about?
Maybe I'm just having a really difficult time finding my gratitude today. Today just feels like any other day.
