Another Year Goes By...

Today, I'm 26, and all I can think is, "Who cares?"

I suppose it's time for me to write another lengthy update post, but let me just leave that for now.

I'm really hating my birthday and my circumstances today. There's nothing special about any of it. I know that some people are attached to the idea of birthdays being wonderful like geeks are attached to the argument about whether Han or Greedo shot first. Personally, I think they suck. Especially if you're as forgettable as I am.

Movies give you these false birthday hopes. You see people being thrown surprise parties or having a crap day that turns out to be fantastic and romantic and just what that person needed. There's this magical birthday experience that is everything that you wish your life could be, but it never happens to you.You don't see my day in movies: being kept up until three in the morning fighting with your spouse, going to class with hardly anyone knowing that you exist (except as the awkward fat girl who can't fit into the high school style individual desks), awkwardly blurting out answers which leave the room cricket-chirp quiet because no one knows how to reply, and an over-all feeling of wanting to crawl in a corner and not relinquish your place until you are forced. Perhaps movies aren't that brutally honest with patrons because they know that we don't want that. We go to movies to forget about how much our lives suck. People don't throw surprise parties for people like me. I'm supposed to go to movies to feel hopeful, like if it can happen for Amy Adams or Meryl Streep then it should give me hope so that I have something to cling to.

By the time you hit 25, all the milestones are gone. And, really, what is there to look forward to at 25 but cheaper insurance rates? (I'm pretty sure that I'm the only person out there who was legitimately excited about cheaper insurance rates for my 25th birthday. I can't figure out if that was in lieu of anything else to be excited about or if I'm really just that cheap.) I feel like 26 really is indifference territory. What's to look forward to? What's there to be excited about?

Maybe I'm just having a really difficult time finding my gratitude today. Today just feels like any other day.

Busy Doing Very Little

Lately, I seem to be really busy. The funny thing about that is that I find myself doing very little most of the time. I have a feeling that I'm getting a much more authentic college experience than I bargained for initially. I think every high school kid sort of has this idea that college is going to be full of awesome parties, hanging out, and living like you're an adult or something. Being an adult and living in the dorms, I can say that it's really easy to adapt to that sort of do-nothing lifestyle. I'm busy all the time, but I'm busy doing nothing. It's kind of lame of me, really.

But then again, how much would you pay to be able to do very little? It might just be worth the tuition money.

Moving on, this week was my birthday. I turned 25 yesterday, in fact. Being 25 isn't really any kind of milestone. You've survived two and half decades. You're five years from being thirty. Mostly, that seems ridiculously depressing. Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of growing old because age is accompanied by an increased comfort level with the world and one's self. It's just that I've run out of birthdays that one looks forward to. From now on, it's just keeping a count of the years until I croak, which will not be any time soon.

Of course, I'm coming across as much more morose than I really am. I had a very nice, low-key birthday, actually. I got a good drunk on with my girls and we laughed and played a game. Nick took me out to dinner, and my father made me a chocolate cheesecake. For the most part, I stayed in and played it cool. Someone at the dorms decorated our door with streamers and signs. It's been nice.

Hopefully, my boring theme keeps up and I can stay low-key.