I Have To Say This... (AKA Why I Don't Care About Harry Potter)

I put up a Facebook status about how I have no plans to ever read Harry Potter. (Don’t you judge me, dammit! I just don’t want to read it!) What made me saddest about my status was the number of individuals who agreed with me. Let me explain…

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m an English major and in college. I plan to teach English. I love reading. I think people should read much more often. Reading is a GOOD thing! I love it when people read anything! I don’t care if other people read Harry Potter. I have no problem with other people doing that. People are allowed to read what they wish to read! If series’ out there like Twilight or Harry Potter encourage more people to read, more power to them. I don’t have to like them or agree with them to know that I agree with what they’re getting people to do. That’s the key.

What I dislike about the Harry Potter crowd is that many of them will resort to name-calling with those of us who do not wish to read their series. Nothing makes me angrier than someone trying to bully me into doing something. Calling me stupid or foolish or saying that I have no taste isn’t going to make me read a book! If you want to bring people to your cause, you’re doing it wrong, Harry Potter fans!

What really made me sad about my status, though (and back to the point of this post), is that one of the the comments I got back proves to me that people don’t read much these days. It makes me sad to think that people agree with me simply because they are too lazy to read. I know people who have vowed they would never read another book after high school and have kept to that promise for the seven years that my graduating class has been out of high school, which is even more sad. I mean, I love it when people agree with me, but I want them to do it for the right reasons!

As a side note, here are some good reasons to be uninterested in Harry Potter:

• you like non-fiction books
• you are older than twelve and would like to read accordingly
• wizards give you the creeps
• you like to read like a hipster and avoid the mainstream
• you hate J. K. Rowling and don’t want to give her a dime
• you are allergic to bullshit
• the movies have ruined it for you
• you hate books with made-up words
• you hate books that feature characters with scars
• you prefer 18th century British literature
• you just don’t hate yourself that much yet

On the other hand, as much as I want more people to crack a book and expand their minds, I don’t agree with everything in said books. The Twilight sigh-ga, for example, is a terrible message to young women about what it means to be a woman and to be in love. Bella is a horrible heroine, and Edward is a terrible hero. Neither of them are suitable role models for free-thinking and intelligent individuals. Bella is the anti-feminist, and Edward doesn’t really want that to change. On the subject of Harry Potter, my refusal to read those books restrains me from making a judgment call about the content therein.

If you want to know why I don’t want to read them, I have no problem with explaining myself. In fact, here’s a convenient, bulleted list:

• I’m not a young adult. Those books are geared toward children, and I am not a child. I am an adult, and I think like an adult. I would like to read accordingly.
• I don’t need any more heroes. My childhood has been filled with great examples of morality and heroism. You can find these examples in fantastic novels like Madeline L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time or Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women.
• I want to expand my mind. Novels that confuse me or make me ponder or even make me angry are novels that I want to read. I’m dying to get to my American Lit class at school because I want to learn more. While J. K. Rowling’s work might be good, I doubt it will be what I’m looking for in the way of stimulation.
• The movies bore me. Yeah, that’s right, I said it. I find the movies boring. They do nothing for me. My attention was hardly kept. Sorry, kids. Normally, I won’t judge a book by its movie, but this time, I will.
• I’m just not interested. No amount of arguing or salesmanship will change the fact that I just don’t care about a bunch of brats at a magic school. I know people out there will be dying to tell me, “No, Jessica!!! It’s SOOOO much more than that!” but the fact of the matter is that I just don’t care. Attempting to sell it to me will only make me care even less.
• People have pushed me too hard about it. I might have given the books a chance ten years ago, but the more people who gasp in shock when I admit to never having read them, the more people who accuse me of being stupid or having no taste for never having picked them up, just further prove to me that I’m not missing anything. When people try to drive home a point like that, something in the very fiber of my being just rebels. I can’t help it, and I don’t really want to change it.
• I’d rather spend my time reading something I actually want to read, not something that everyone else wants me to read.
• I am allergic to bullshit. (Oh, come on. You had to know I was going to include something from the above list.)

Here’s the take-home point: READ. Seriously, people, pick up a book!!! I don’t care if it’s Twilight, Harry Potter, something by Nora Roberts, something you bought at a garage sale for fifty cents, something you found in a waiting room or something you stole from your best friend’s dad’s bookshelf. READ! It’s good for you! I promise! But, whatever you do, stop trying to force people to read the same things that you enjoy. We’re all different and that’s okay!

Steel Family

One of my favorite movies of all time is Steel Magnolias. There are a few really good reasons why. First, I think there's something about a movie revolving around a group of women that will always appeal to other women. No matter how different you may be from the characters in the plot, there's just something about women and the responsibilities and shared experiences that we have that will always appeal to us because we can relate. Second, it's a wonderfully acted movie. There's raw emotion in those performances, which is part of what makes a movie great. Third, and most important for me, is the depiction of family and belonging in the movie.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always envied other people who have large families and are close with even their far extended cousins and family members. Even small families who have tight-knit relationships have been the subject of my jealousy. I've always wanted to have a large, loving family. I've wanted to be surrounded by relatives on holidays, keeping in touch via phone, internet, or mail when we're not around each other. The sense of community and belonging that other people have with their families is not only foreign to me, but it is also very much lusted for and sought after.

There's something about that dream that I have come to realize: it is nearly impossible to achieve. No matter how much I want it, no matter the extent of my willingness to work for it, I cannot have what other people do not want. My immediate family is stressed by the financial and environmental circumstances that we face. It's much easier to draw back, to isolate, and in that isolation to lose sight of who we are and what is important to us. Our relationships are so strange now that it's hard to imagine how we can come back from all the hurt or stress.

Many of my desires for a larger family were met by marrying JJ. My in-laws are a large and loving group. Family holidays are often wonderful events full of love, laughter, and life. Seeing them together has taught me a great deal about what it means to be a family. More than that, seeing the way that they handle conflict has taught me about how families can grow and change, how groups of people can disagree but continue to love each other in spite of that. Yet, lately, even my husband's strong family has had troubles that have brought us all to our knees. There have been incredible, unbelievable disagreements, horrible circumstances that have changed everything, and an almost amazing inability for certain members of the family to see past their own feelings. Even I have been black-balled by a portion of the family for saying something that I had been asked to say in benefit of another member of the family. (Don't think for a moment that it saddens me to see things this way. What was said was said with good reason and was said politely. There is no reason for me to be seeing negatives, but I'm not sad that I am. I simply hope that reason or logic will someday prevail.)

Eventually, as is with the ebb and flow of true family, I know that my in-laws will all come back together. Soon enough, things will change for the better, and they will be able to see past the hurt and circumstance. I have faith in the strength of my family, their family, and I am sure that things will right themselves. In the mean time, I have chosen to learn and grow.

The thing that I have come to realize over the years (and especially lately, with family circumstances in my extended family and with my in-laws) is that you cannot force people to be your family. Family is as much a bloodline as it is a choice. One can be related without being a family, but what I want the most is a family. Moreover, what seems like a small fight or small slight can be more than that. It can burn a bridge. A person's lacking response to an attempt at reaching out can have a lasting impact or hurt. Those things don't always go away, and people don't always forgive. When I choose to do something, I need to mean it. I can't just do something without thinking of the consequences because those consequences may be bigger than I've ever imagined.

I've written before about my paternal grandmother. She was amazing. I think our family would be a great deal closer if she hadn't died when she did. When I think about her and the way she held our family together and about JJ's grandmother and the way the family revolves around her, I realize that I have a lot to live up to in the way of matriarchs. Someday, I hope that I can hold a family together in the way that my grandmother and JJ's grandmother did and do. If I ever have children (which, as of right now, is a pretty big if), I hope that they won't feel the same yearning for more family connections that I do. I hope I will be able to teach them how grateful they ought to be for their family. I hope that my children will appreciate their family, will be close to their family, and will love their family no matter what.

I don't know how to get the family that I've always wanted or to keep together the ones that I have. I'm willing to do the work. I'm willing to put aside differences, to apologize for past wrongs, to do as much as possible to keep in touch. I just need more family in my life. I need that support and love and connection. I've also realized that I need my family to need me as much as I need them. I need to know that I'm a part of something and that I'm wanted. I really hope that I find that soon.