JJ,
Here we are again. Another entry that seems to only apply to you. You are, indeed, the last person that I made a pinky promise to. Ironically enough, I believe it was one that I did promptly break. I believe that the last pinky promise that I made to you was that I would put more effort into our relationship, into paying attention to us and to you. Several days later, you were on your way to another state, and I was still here in Ohio.
Looking back on it, I feel really terrible. I made a promise that I couldn't deliver on. I'm having a lot of trouble with follow through lately, and my courage has really been failing me. I'd like to tell you that that will change, but right now I'm not sure of anything any more. I can tell you that I want it to change. I can tell you that I feel pretty awful about the fact that I've failed you and myself.
I never really thought that I'd be the kind of person that doesn't keep her promises. I never thought I'd lack the follow-through necessary to be a good girlfriend/fiance/wife/person to you. I guess I just never thought I'd lack that kind of follow-through on anything, really. I always thought that I'd be able to keep my promises. It's a whole new revelation to find out that I can't keep those promises, especially when it used to be so important--the notion of keeping promises. I just never thought that's who I'd be.
Hopefully, all my broken promises haven't ruined anything with us. Maybe you can forgive them. I hope you can. I'm resolved to stop making promises that I don't think that I can keep. It probably won't be easy for me because there are so many promises that I'd like to make to you, to lots of people. I wish that there were more things that I could promise. Promise I'll always be there, promise it'll always be easy, promise that things could never be broken, promise that I'll never fall apart. I wish I could promise all of those things.
Maybe some day, I'll be able to promise that I won't break my promises. I'd like to be able to promise that. To everyone.
Love,
Jess
jess promises are made with every intention to be kept i know that but some times life gets in the way i know you didn't purposely break them. i know thing seem like your not a good wife right now but we are the best we can be together ok. we will be great once we are together again and it will be because we have been apart. look at how perfect saturday was. it will be like that for awhile ok. so keep your chin up and don't blame yourself or regret it because that wont improve things.
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