Day Twenty-two: Someone You Want To Give A Second Chance

Dear JJ,

I thought about writing this blog post to someone else for a bunch of reasons. For one, I'm trying really hard to kind of make this an experimentation in new things each day, since my old posts seem full of whining stagnation. For two, I'll admit that I'm a teeny smidge worried about what other people will think of me--not enough to stop me, but enough to put some thought into it before I continued. In the end, there was no one else that I could think of that would be more fitting for this topic than you.

I know that we've had our rough patches, but I have never doubted that you're a good person inside. I've always had faith in the fact that you're a good man and that you're capable of being an even better one. Lately, things have been going well for us, and I'm honestly surprised at how sensitive to and receptive of my feelings you have been. I really hope that this is a trend that continues for us. I'm glad that you're committing to trying to meet my needs.

I was really surprised at how much I missed you when I got over my anger. In retrospect, I'm also pretty surprised at how good you were at making me feel completely guilty for all the stuff that went down between us. I think you know me well enough to know that I don't feel guilty about all that much in my life--I'm really not all that invested in the feelings of others, especially not to the point of feeling good or bad about their feelings. That can only mean one thing: that I care very deeply about you. If you ever needed tangible evidence of that, examine how terrible I felt.

I've really enjoyed the support that you've provided me with in the midst of my recent bout of nervousness about my future. It would really be too easy for us to fall apart with our current situation, but it's really important to me that we don't. I don't want to think that the last five years were worth nothing. I want them to matter. I want us to matter, and I want to be able to have confidence in the fact that I matter to you. I need that.

Saturday, we'll be meeting up. I'm looking forward to spending some time with you, and I'm hoping that it all goes well. It's important to me that it does.

Love,

Jess