Day Eighteen: Person You Wish You Could Be

Maria,

I suppose of all the "adults" that are in my life, you always seemed the most real to me. Now that you have a child, you seem most like what an adult should really be. I realize that that may not sound entirely flattering at first, but let me explain.

When I was a teenager, I had this awesome idea of what a real adult should be like. It's not something easily definable, mostly because I've only had the privilege of having two real adults in my life ever (both of them women--coincidence? No, I think not.) The difference between real adults and other adults is astounding, as well. You can tell when you're faced with a parent who isn't really a parent. This is the same kind of idea. I can tell when I'm looking at an adult who isn't really an adult.

To me, there are some critical elements to being an adult. Most of them, I am totally and completely missing. However, I can recognize them, which is at least a start. Since I'm best at lists, I'm going to make this a list.

Elements vital to Real Adults as follows:

• Having a real understanding of oneself. This is something that most of the people in my life are missing, but I feel like it's a vital part of being an adult. When you're my age and older, you're supposed to know who you are. You may not know what you want or how to get there, but you should know who you are. I did and I lost a little bit of that, but I'm working on finding it again. I'm on the way.
• Being supportive of the people that you care about. This has been incredibly absent from my life as of late. It's bringing me down in the worst of ways. In fact, of the adults I surround myself with, you're one of the few that is supportive of me in a palpable way. This is immensely important to my adult life.
• Having the ability to participate in intelligent conversation. I don't think I really need to explain this one.
• Maintaining a suspension of judgment for those you love. I realize that this may seem like it would go hand in hand with being supportive, but it doesn't always.
• Actually listening when others talk. I feel like this is a really huge difference between hanging on the edges of conversation and actually having and understanding a conversation. Also, the experts are right, it does make me feel more important.
• Having the ability to respectfully disagree. I think this really separates the adults from the children. I mean, a common trait in most teenagers is that when they disagree with you, they call you stupid or gay or whatever token insult seems to be making rounds at the high schools at that moment in time. It really takes an adult to be able to say, "Well, I get what you're saying, but I don't think I agree. Here's why."

I feel like all of these qualities can be found in you, Maria, which is a major part of why I respect you. I also love your taste in literature. You don't mind admitting that you're not perfect.

 If there was anyone that I wanted to be like, it would definitely be you. I envy your writing talents, your self-awareness, and your standing as a "real adult." I'm sure that your life is not as easy at it seems from my limited, state-away perspective, but I wouldn't mind giving it a try. You're so much more well-adjusted and calm than I am. Maybe it's the calm that I'm really envying right now--go figure!

More than anything, I'd like you to know that you're an important woman in my life. You inspire me to try to do better things with myself. You inspire me to seek mental stability and an inner peace. These are things that very few people have attempted to inspire in me. Knowing that you encourage me is a feeling that I'm quite grateful for. It's also nice to have a positive female role model. So thank you. Just being yourself is quite an inspiration to me.

Love,

Jessica