Sunburn and Knife Fights

Today, I went ahead with my yard work plan. I now remember why it is that I haven't volunteered to do yard work in over six years. It was brutally hot outside. I'm fairly certain my face is pretty sunburned. I can honestly say that I completely understand why prison systems force prisoners to do outdoor labor. It truly is punishment. And, for practicality's sake, let me add that it does make sense to have them being productive with farm labor and whatnot.

But that's really neither here nor there.

While I was mowing, I borrowed my husband's Zune so I could listen to some tunes. He recently added all of my CDs to his Zune so that we won't have to only listen to his metal music in the car. I happened upon a song that I used to be like totally in love with back in the day: "Granite Street Knife Fight."

Of course, because I'm keeping with my nostalgic theme as of late, it set me on a YouTube spree when I got inside (post-shower, of course). I had to look up all the old bands the I used to love: Element 101, the Aquabats, Ace Troubleshooter, Something Corporate, and so many others. Needless to say, it has perpetuated my nostalgia trip. I can't believe that there was a time that I wasn't listening to this music! I still feel like a teenager when I listen to it, laying on my bed staring at the white ceiling while I'm surrounded by the pink walls of my bedroom.

It's so strange to think back on my teenage years. I had so many emotions all the time--not that that's really changed much. I wanted to be a brilliant writer, though the truth is that I can't write my way out of a paper bag. I wanted to find a lover and be a singer and live on my own and make a statement about my own independence. I wanted to be something. What the crap happened?!

I feel like I need to go read some depressing books and spend a lot of time sleeping and alone. Is it possible to regress to your teenage years?

Diminished Return

You may have been wondering to yourself, "Self, why hasn't Jessica updated in like a week or so?"

Alright, I'm reasonable enough to acknowledge that that's just my ego talking...but it's a really nice idea. The answer is that JJ and I had to go out of town for a funeral last week. This week, to be frank, it's just been my utter laziness. JJ's family had a close friend who passed away, which his grandmother has been taking quite hard. We felt it would be appropriate for us to be in town, for JJ to pay his respects. He ended up serving as a pall bearer at her funeral, so it was a good thing that we came.

This week, it's been lacking motivation. After spending last week having fun with my old friends in the Bend, this week just seems like a drain and a waste. I've spent it poorly. I've been thinking of old friends and old places, doing old things like reading fanfics. Perhaps it was out of a sense of nostalgia that I resurrected the old LiveJournal--LJ for short.

Things just haven't been really going my way lately. The husband and I have fought. I've hardly accomplished a damned thing. I haven't heard back about my paper, which I did finally turn in. I haven't had a satisfactory response from several of the e-mails I've sent. I just feel like my life isn't on the ball. I feel like all I want to do is stay in bed and read or surf the web, which of course is the exact kind of unproductive crap that has me feeling this way in the first place. See where the trouble is? It's a vicious cycle!

In an effort to get myself out of the funk, I volunteered for yard work. Yard work of all things!! I hate being outside. I hate the sun. I hate bugs. I hate that I'll sweat. I pretty much hate the entire experience of yard work. This is going to be an exercise in futility. But who's going to tough it out like a big girl and do it anyways because she said she would? This girl. Wish me luck.