Best Night Ever

I'm relatively certain that tonight was, by far, the best night of my life. As some of you readers (all two of you) may know, I'm desperately in love with all things Marianas Trench. I found out a while back that they were coming to the United States--as they are a Canadian band--and I bought tickets for their show in Columbus, Ohio, the day that they went on sale. Tonight was the night of their concert, and, Readers, I must say it was epic!

Josh Ramsay is pretty sure Mike Ayley's hair is awful.

Same picture, different angle. I like this one better, I think.

First, Josh and Mike did a signing at the F.Y.E. in the Columbus mall. Kaitlin and I went early to be sure that we got to meet them, which we did. We were the second people in line, and I got all my stuff signed, including an awesome necklace that Kaitlin gave me just before the concert. If you don't believe roommate love is possible, visit Kaitlin and I for a while. It's love up in this bitch. Love.

Perfect for the occasion!

I also took a picture with the guys.

Please ignore how utterly pasty I look when compared to regular people.

After the signing was over, we headed to the venue to wait to see the show. We had to park way out in the boondocks because we couldn't find a place to park near the venue. (We were later informed by a friend we happened to make at the signing that there was a parking garage literally across the street from the venue. Balls!) We ended up parking in front of some residence. Kaitlin almost stepped on a dead rat when she got out of her car. It was unpleasant, to say the least. We waited outside in the cold with our friends from the F.Y.E. signing for an hour and a half at least, but then we finally made it inside.

The show was amazing. Josh Ramsay sings live in the same way that he sings on his albums. Mike Ayley, Matt Webb, and Ian Casselman were all amazing. They sounded so great! Lots of bands can be utterly disappointing live, but not Marianas Trench. The crowd was excited and knew a surprising amount of words to the songs. They played a five song set including (in no particular order): "All To Myself," "Cross My Heart," "Celebrity Status," "Shake Tramp," and "Beside You." It was wonderful!

Kaitlin and I left after Marianas Trench was done playing. The walk back to the car had us walking past an alley that was in the back of the venue, and I begged Kaitlin to go down with me to see if the band was outside. Just my luck, they were! After begging Kaitlin to walk further down and talk with them with me, I eventually left her side to talk to Josh Ramsay solo.

The talk that I had with him was amazing. You know that feeling that you get when you really want to meet someone and you just know it's going to be awesome? I had that feeling all day. Josh Ramsay is every bit as accommodating and cool as he seems like he ought to be. We chatted about their tour, about how I introduced my dorm friends to their music, and about sobriety, which was amazing. He was totally understanding. He asked me if I was going to meetings (A.A. for those of you that don't speak fuck-up), and he suggested that I go to them because they can be really supportive. When I asked, he made a little video to greet my friends at the dorms. When I asked, he gave me a hug, which was pretty much perfect. He thanked me for coming out to the show, and I thanked him for the awesome music.

I really don't know what to say other than that it was truly awesome to be able to converse with my favorite person. I don't think that there would have been a more ideal way for me to meet Josh or for things to go down. It was really nice to be able to talk to him about sobriety especially and to know that he understands where I'm coming from with it. It was also nice to hear him support me when there are people in my life right now that know me and don't even offer me support. (In fact, I've been told I'm going to fail. More than once. I've also been told that "Jessica plus alcohol equals a good time." Winners, all around.)

On the way home, we got lost. The good part is that we were only lost for a little while. The GPS malfunctioned, but Kaitlin had a GPS system on her phone. We made it back in one piece and incredibly happy.

Marianas Trench will definitely not lose their place as my favorite band. They've earned it for sure. And Josh Ramsay has my loyalty for sure. Today makes me feel like things are finally turning around for me, like things might be looking up for me in life. Maybe it's because this is my 77th day sober--lucky 7's. Maybe my life is going to be better than it seems. So, Readers, before I gush any more about my amazing night, I leave you with this lovely video.

Day Four!

So, I've been four (technically, we're on to the fifth day now, but who's counting?) days sober. It's unusual to be committed to something for a change. Being that I'm the kind of person who usually puts too many eggs in one basket, I've decided to only quit one thing at a time here. So, you know, the meth and heroin stay...

KIDDING! Totally kidding! Since I don't do any other substances worth quitting except smoking, sorry, kids, the smoking stays. Everyone I've talked to has been freakily supportive. It makes me wonder if I had a bigger problem than I had initially thought. Thus far, however, I'm handling things very well. Minimal cravings to stray from the path of so-called righteousness. It probably helps that I'm at home for the next month or so.

For a Catholic college, our dorms are rife with underage drinking. Now, first, let me mention that our campus is not a dry campus. We are permitted to have alcohol, but only certain kinds and in certain amounts. This has in no way stopped any of my so-called peers from drinking in excess each weekend. (Don't get me wrong here. In no way am I insinuating that I am any better than any of them. This is clearly not the case.) I'm just really surprised that there's no real reprimand for any of the students who are caught drinking underage.

Anyways, it's best that I'm home right now. It gives me time to focus my thoughts on the ability to refuse alcohol. It gives me some time to kind of chill, steel myself for when there will be people around me drinking. I need to be able to handle myself in these situations. I'm confident that I can, I just need some time to get my head straight again.

Amusingly enough, I had a moment earlier when I was watching DVRed episodes of Celebrity Rehab. One of the women on the show, Rachel, is talking to Dr. Drew about feeling ridiculous for having a love addiction and about how she's afraid that, if she mentions it in group, that her peers will laugh her out of the room. With a bemused smile, Dr. Drew tells her that he's certain that no one will judge her for not being "enough of an addict." In my last entry, I mentioned that I was incredulous about joining any kind of support groups for the same reason--not being enough of an addict. Thanks, Universe, message received. Loud and clear, in fact.

I did have a strange moment of pride today, as well. When I was in the bathroom, I happened to be singing to myself. Of course, because I'm terribly vain and have to have those times when I just embrace my rock star moments, I was looking at myself in the mirror. Lately, my roommate, father, and brother have agreed that it looks like I've lost a little weight. I had dismissed it as nothing, but looking in the mirror today I realized--hey!--I have lost a little weight! Or, at the very least, my fat has redistributed itself to be slightly more pleasing to the eye.

Needless to say, I am thrilled that I have not one but two good things to report today: potential weight loss and additional days of sobriety. Hopefully, by the Marianas Trench concert in Columbus on February 26th (which, by the way, I totally already bought two tickets for) I'll be able to say that I've been sober for two and a half months. Nothing would thrill me more than to go to that concert with that kind of accomplishment.

Day Nine: Someone You Wish You Could Meet

First of all, 100th blog post here on Blogger! This means I get to have a party, right?

Today's letter-writing excursion is a view into a secret desire of mine, the subject of which is someone that I wish I could meet. It will be easier to do this in an essay format, so this will be a bit of a deviation from my letter format. I assure you, you'll get over it.

Anyone that knows me is well aware that my tastes change with the wind, the tides, the seasons, the positions of the moon, etc. I'm an incredibly fickle person. When you think about it, I'm really the ideal capitalist consumer because I get into something, throw all my attention and money at it, and then lose interest when the next sweet new thing comes along. I would like the credit for not being a mindless consumer, though. All of my choices serve a purpose--even if that purpose doesn't dip much deeper that just catering to me. But I digress...

Needless to say, because of my shifting predilections, I tend to cycle through musical groups rather quickly. I stick to some genre specifics, but apart from that, my musical choices are varied and strange. AW, as many of you regular readers (all two of you) are aware, recently introduced me to Marianas Trench. I immediately fell in love with the band. Their lyrics are poignant and perceptive, and my introduction to their songs couldn't have come at a more fitting time in my life. So many of their songs seem to be the perfect voice to what I'm feeling and going through right now. I feel like their lyrics are ripped from the pages of my heart, rather than from the pages of the songwriter's journal.

Getting to the point, the mastermind behind all this great music that I've grown so attached to is Josh Ramsay, the lead singer and rhythm guitarist for the band. Josh Ramsay is the person that I would choose to meet if I could meet anyone. Now, I realize that this may seem like a shady thing to say coming from a self-professed flake--you know, you really shouldn't take away your own credibility before you make a point, as I have done in this post--but I would make that choice again and again even if I stopped listening to Marianas Trench every day. Let me tell you why.

First, I have immense amounts of respect for a man that can admit his past to thousands of fans, rather than sweeping it under the rug and pretending as though it never happened. He was an addict and a bulimic, and is in recovery now. One of his songs in particular, Lover Dearest, is about his personal struggles with heroin and was written as part of a treatment program at a rehab facility. This is something that he regularly shares with his fans before playing that song. This says a lot about the sincerity of the music that he writes. I think that kind of sincerity is glaringly absent from most of the people who are in the music industry these days.

More than that, I have an incredible amount of respect for recovering addicts. It's hard enough to turn your life around, harder still in the face of addiction. The addiction of an immediate member of my family is something that we have struggled with since I was eight years old, and I'm twenty-four now--it will be something that affects my life for the rest of it, and there's no changing that. Lest you think that it's not a miracle for people to get clean and stay that way, I can tell you from personal experience that it's one of the most emotional, difficult, and worthwhile things to choose to do. We are not lucky enough to have an addict who chooses to be in recovery. I can respect any one that chooses life over death because, trust, it is a choice.

In addition, Marianas Trench as a band has a real commitment to their fans. They are quite present on almost all social media outlets. Their street team has the ability to win special prizes from the band just for doing the things that street teams would usually do. Hell, just the other day I got all stoked because Josh replied to one of my tweets on Twitter (seriously, I was way too excited for words; it's a good thing that no one saw me because I would have seemed like a total fangirl). There are hundreds of YouTube clips of the band interacting with the fans or chatting with the crowd from the stage. I can honestly say, having had many a disappointing concert experience, this is a valuable quality. It's no wonder that their fans, "Trench Wenches" as they are called, are so committed to them and so crazy about them.

Another other thing that AW and I both agree is great about Josh Ramsay is his sense of humor. Even though he's been through so much and attained fame, he doesn't seem like he takes himself too seriously. Once again, YouTube is littered with videos of him telling fans amusing stories or of him saying something amusing at the lens of some one's camera phone. One of my personal favorites--which makes me laugh every single time I see it--is a video of him proclaiming that he's a douche bag. (Also, as a side note, if you're looking to harbor illegal immigrants, Josh, I'm open to being harbored. Just sayin'!

Really, the whole band just seems like a group of really great guys. They seem like the kind of dudes that you'd always invite to your parties because they're all genuinely nice people. I mean, someone could show me video evidence that Josh Ramsay slaughters the unborn, and I would be reluctant to believe it because he seems like such a cool guy.

There's really so much more that I could say about why I would want to meet Josh Ramsay. I'd love to ask him a thousand questions about music and about life. I don't think meeting Josh Ramsay would be quite enough for me, though. I'd want to get to know him. I'd want to sit around with him, have a Coke Zero (which is consequently the only diet soda that does not give me headaches), and talk about anything. More than that, I'd want him to want to get to know me--maybe because I feel like, because of his music, he knows me so well already.

I realize that I'm probably no different from hundreds of other fans. It is completely unoriginal to want to meet your favorite musician. I'm okay with that. (See? This is me, learning how to be sincere again. Obviously, it will be a long road back to not caring what people think of me.) It doesn't hurt to agree with the majority every now and again.

Josh, keep doing whatever you're doing. It's working for us. Thanks for all the music and for being who you are. I hope you know that some of your fans really love and appreciate you for it. And please tour in the U.S. soon (specifically Toledo, Ohio).

Internet Recognition

I need to share my triumph with the Internet. Many of you are aware of my new love for the band Marianas Trench. AW got me interested in them when we were talking about music one day, and I have been very into them ever since. I absolutely love their music. I'm really saddened by the fact that their CDs haven't been released in the U.S. yet, but there's a release date set, so I can pre-order them when I get some cash. (My little brother blames this recent love of Marianas Trench on my being a "Canadaphile." I'm pretty sure he made that word up.)

Anyways, I've been a Twitter twat for a little while now. I've noticed that the most frustrating thing about Twitter is that, while you can tweet your little fingers off at celebrities, band members, and persons of note all you'd like, they very seldom reply to your tweets. This doesn't deter me, but it's kind of emblematic of how the world works. There's even a very funny YouTube video about this phenomenon.

Well, the lead singer of Marianas Trench, Josh Ramsay, is on Twitter. In fact, the band members often make a point of keeping up with fans on Twitter, which is really great. It's important to connect with your fan base. And tonight, Josh Ramsay connected with me.

Suck it, Internet!

What does this mean? This means that Josh Ramsay is aware that I have a presence on this Earth. That may seem really stupid, but it pleases me to no end. Also, this is the first time that a celebrity has actually replied to one of my tweets. I'm pretty stoked about that false sense of importance. It doesn't hurt that he Internet-laughed at my comment, either. The Internet is pretty fuckin' cool, when you think about it.

Now if I could just get them to tour in Toledo, Ohio, we'd be all set! Fingers crossed, people!

Here We Are Again

Well, here we are again. The wee hours of the morn. I had every intention of sleeping. Really, really I did! But then...well, things got crazy! I reconnected with a friend of mine from high school, and he and I ended up texting about his recently lost relationship. I also got in touch with a friend from college who I missed terribly.

Liv, my friend from Owens, was one of my favorite people at work. She always has a smile for everyone, always a positive attitude. She and I used to have great talks. She eventually stopped working in the writing center because she didn't get enough hours, but I missed her terribly. Fortunately for Facebook, we are able to remain connected. Tonight, I noticed that her status mentioned being in the hospital and losing her boyfriend. Naturally, I worried. I managed to catch her on Facebook chat, and we talked for a while.

As it turns out, Liv was involved in a very serious car accident on Friday night. Her boyfriend, who was also in the car, didn't make it. Liv is alright. She was just released from ICU, but she'll be facing several weeks in an assisted care facility and even more weeks of rehab. I truly feel for her. I can't imagine what she's going through right now. I told her that if she needed anything, anything at all, that she should let me know, and for the first time in a while, I actually meant it (apart from my offers to talk--I'm always open to talking). I hope that she does get in touch with me, and I hope that she knows that I'm here for her.

Needless to say, I'm not the only one having a rough go of things lately. I guess it helps to know that my life isn't the worst of them right now. It helps to know that I'm not the only one going through some crazy things these days. For the first time in a couple of weeks, I'm feeling more at ease with my circumstances, more calm about all that's going on. It hasn't gotten easier, and it will probably never be simple, but I'm feeling much more optimistic about it all.

In other news, that happened. It makes me giggle.

I'm Half-Asleep and I Am Wide Awake

Alright, in the interest of being taken seriously and being a mature and responsible blogger, I probably ought to stop tossing out updates at 3 AM. However, since I am neither mature nor responsible, 3 AM updates are what you're getting. You'll live. I'm sure of it.

Today was hectic, but pretty cool. I actually accomplished surprisingly little. Dad and I went out to Owens to meet up with Ed and exchange work. (In case I haven't mentioned it, Ed has a little e-bay business. We do some minor data entry and photographic work for him for very little pay. Sadly, it's all we have right now.) Ed was amiable. I also got to see some of the people that I used to work with. I never thought I'd miss Owens so much! I really miss my old job. I wish I could still be working there.

It was nice to see my old friends and colleagues. When we left, my dad sarcastically said, "Jesus, Jessica. I know you had a good academic career here, but I just wish you'd actually made some friends!" I felt pretty good about the fact that I was missed. It's nice to be able to say that you were liked somewhere.

Later, we headed to Lourdes. Apparently, however, we're required to submit W-2's with our tax forms now. Was this listed on the web page or e-mailed about? No. From what the lovely ladies in the financial aid office said, the policy was only just put in place on July 1st. Of course, this means that I have to make another trip out to Lourdes with the other papers now. They wouldn't take any of my forms at all without the W-2's. Quite the waste of a trip. I'm very disappointed.

In other news, I blame AW for my recent interest in an awesome Canadian band called Marianas Trench. I can't get over their music! It's so good! And their lead singer is adorable! U.S. tour soon, boys? Please?