Recently, things have been in a tremendous amount of flux for my family. Our future has been rather uncertain as of late, and certain economic hardships have forced us to make some decisions. The long and short of our situation is that we've been required to make some choices about where we're going to be living.
I've decided, after much debate, that I'll be moving back to my home state. I've thought about this for a long time, but the truth of the matter is that Ohio has never felt like a home to me. There are a lot of things that I like about Toledo, but there are also a lot of things that I don't like about Toledo. In the four years that I've lived in this state, I've never gotten over the desire to go back home to Indiana. That means something to me.
More than anything else, I'm just ready to be in a place with my family again. I don't like being so far away from my in-laws. I'd like to be able to do things with them, to spend time with them. I'd like to be around to help with my husband's uncle's fledgling business. I'd like to be able to take JJ's grandmother to dinner every now and again. None of that is to say that I don't want to do the very same things with my own family, but we simply don't have the means. My father's job may necessitate a big move in the near future, which makes the future of my immediate family much more uncertain. If they end up back in Indiana, I'll of course want to do the same things with them.
One of the other reasons that I'm kind of excited for this move is surprising to even me: I missed my church. I'm excited to go back to my hometown and get involved in my church again. I've actually missed being a part of that community. I almost feel a responsibility to that church, to be involved there. I'm the fifth generation of my family to be a member at the church. I find myself yearning to take a place at that church, to allow faith to have a bigger role in my life. Normally, I wouldn't describe myself as being a prayerful individual, but lately, things have been different. I've felt a need that nothing else can really fill; I've found comfort in my relationship with God. Maybe that sounds strange coming from a cynic like myself, but it feels more strange than it sounds, believe me.
I'm not letting this move affect my academic career. I'm transferring to another institution in Indiana. I'll be trying to become a student at Bethel College. It's a good school, and the English program at Bethel college is very similar to the English program at Lourdes. They have no limit to the amount of credits they'll accept from other institutions, so I shouldn't lose any time. My credits should transfer. Also, getting a referral from my father should help me get some financial aid, which would be wonderful. Bethel is a good school. Lourdes was also good, but I didn't feel too comfortable there. I have hope that Bethel will be better.
Additionally, my husband is already in Indiana. Things have been going much better between us lately. I feel like our separation has been beneficial for us both. We've both gotten some much-needed perspective. We've learned a little bit more about ourselves through counseling, which we were both in. I think we also learned what our relationship means to each of us. Moving back in together will help us move forward. (Trust me, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't feel right about it. I've been getting a lot of flack from a lot of people about making this choice. My reply to any conflicting opinions is simply this: my marriage, my rules. If you don't like it, don't be married to me. It's simple.)
More than anything--and I know that I'm jumping the gun here--I'm looking forward to holidays with my in-laws. Since I started dating my husband, his grandmother and I have made Christmas cookies together for the holidays. It usually takes us several days. We spend a day on Kifli and another day or two on other types of cookies--sugar cookies, spritz, seven layer bars, snicker doodles, butter cookies, peanut butter cookies, etc etc. We go to church together on Christmas eve. It's simply lovely to be around more often, to enjoy those little family things. I guess I didn't really realize how much I missed those things until I thought about what it would be like to have them back. Thinking about the things I could be doing with my family made me excited to do them.
I'm just ready to be back in Indiana. I'm ready to move again. It's time to start over.
Showing posts with label Indiana. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Indiana. Show all posts
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Indiana and Rashes
I've had a busy weekend, full of ups and downs! Let's start from the beginning. Some time in the midst of last week, I used a different face wash than I would normally use. My face has had a horrible rash since about Thursday because of that. Even today, it's still swollen and painful. It itches slightly, but every time I touch it at all, it stings like the devil. Benadryl and cold compresses have been my friends. The moral of the story here is don't use new facial products when you have sensitive skin without making sure that the products are hypoallergenic first.
That said, this weekend, my dad and I headed over to Indiana. I saw JJ and gave him some of his belongings that happened to still be at the house here in Ohio. It was good to see him, but I'm still a little uncertain about the future. I guess time will tell.
I also went to church--our old church--for the first time in a long time. It was good to see everyone again. I got a ton of compliments about my hair. I would have thought the blue streak wouldn't have gone over so well with church folks, but it was apparently a really big hit. It was really nice to see everyone. It made me miss living in Indiana a bit, made me nostalgic. It would probably have been a lot better if I didn't feel like a leper with this giant red, swelling rash all over my face, but you take what you can get, right?
We also visited with my grandfather, who just got out of the hospital. He's been having some health issues lately. We were also told that if he doesn't start seeing some improvement with some of the issues he's been having, he may end up facing some surgery, which would not be good. He's improved slightly, however, so we'll take whatever blessings we can get. I know he feels a lot better being able to be at home, rather than cooped up in a hospital room with a roommate who can't be quiet. I suppose that would make me feel better, too.
More concerning, however, is that my great aunt Katy is in the hospital. She's been in the hospital for most of the week, but no one told our family about it. We managed to find out just before we left to come back to Ohio, so we went up to see her beforehand. She's such a fragile little woman, and I worry about her. I know that she's 92 years old, which means she's lived a pretty long life. She told us that she feels like she's toward the end of her life, and that makes me so sad. She also said, though, that she felt like she had a wonderful, long life and that she and our family are very lucky.
She's right; we are lucky. We have a mostly good family, no matter how often pettiness gets in the way. For the most part, we've got good lives and plenty of things to be grateful for. My father started to tear up in the hospital room as we were talking with her. It's very true that it will be so difficult when she passes away, but I'd rather look at it as a normal, natural part of life. I will miss her when she's gone, but she also seems very ready to go. She was calm, and she looked back on her life with a very large amount of gratitude. I'm just hoping that this wasn't the last time that I'll get to see Auntie Katy. She's done a lot for me, and I don't want her to go yet. I'm not ready to let go yet.
Coming home was both good and bad. I'm worried about the state of the things I left in Indiana. I'm glad to be comfortable and back in my own bed again. Yet, I still have a lot to do. I have more things to sort through, more things to find places for in my room. I sort of feel like I'll never be done, which is discouraging. I plan on taking my time, though. Today, I'll be mostly useless because of all the benadryl in my system, but I suppose it'll be okay. I need some time to rest and relax anyway, let my body start taking care of this rash. I'm hopeful that things will start to improve soon.
That said, this weekend, my dad and I headed over to Indiana. I saw JJ and gave him some of his belongings that happened to still be at the house here in Ohio. It was good to see him, but I'm still a little uncertain about the future. I guess time will tell.
I also went to church--our old church--for the first time in a long time. It was good to see everyone again. I got a ton of compliments about my hair. I would have thought the blue streak wouldn't have gone over so well with church folks, but it was apparently a really big hit. It was really nice to see everyone. It made me miss living in Indiana a bit, made me nostalgic. It would probably have been a lot better if I didn't feel like a leper with this giant red, swelling rash all over my face, but you take what you can get, right?
We also visited with my grandfather, who just got out of the hospital. He's been having some health issues lately. We were also told that if he doesn't start seeing some improvement with some of the issues he's been having, he may end up facing some surgery, which would not be good. He's improved slightly, however, so we'll take whatever blessings we can get. I know he feels a lot better being able to be at home, rather than cooped up in a hospital room with a roommate who can't be quiet. I suppose that would make me feel better, too.
More concerning, however, is that my great aunt Katy is in the hospital. She's been in the hospital for most of the week, but no one told our family about it. We managed to find out just before we left to come back to Ohio, so we went up to see her beforehand. She's such a fragile little woman, and I worry about her. I know that she's 92 years old, which means she's lived a pretty long life. She told us that she feels like she's toward the end of her life, and that makes me so sad. She also said, though, that she felt like she had a wonderful, long life and that she and our family are very lucky.
She's right; we are lucky. We have a mostly good family, no matter how often pettiness gets in the way. For the most part, we've got good lives and plenty of things to be grateful for. My father started to tear up in the hospital room as we were talking with her. It's very true that it will be so difficult when she passes away, but I'd rather look at it as a normal, natural part of life. I will miss her when she's gone, but she also seems very ready to go. She was calm, and she looked back on her life with a very large amount of gratitude. I'm just hoping that this wasn't the last time that I'll get to see Auntie Katy. She's done a lot for me, and I don't want her to go yet. I'm not ready to let go yet.
Coming home was both good and bad. I'm worried about the state of the things I left in Indiana. I'm glad to be comfortable and back in my own bed again. Yet, I still have a lot to do. I have more things to sort through, more things to find places for in my room. I sort of feel like I'll never be done, which is discouraging. I plan on taking my time, though. Today, I'll be mostly useless because of all the benadryl in my system, but I suppose it'll be okay. I need some time to rest and relax anyway, let my body start taking care of this rash. I'm hopeful that things will start to improve soon.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot
I keep meaning to blog more often, but I feel like I don't have nearly enough to say on the regular to make any of those blogs actually worth reading. I meant to write a recap of my year, but the time slipped by me. It seems too little, too late on that front now. Alas! Woe! I fail at creativity! Instead, I shall spout generic updates.
First, my New Year was rung in fairly quietly. My friend, Ellen, came to get me and we spent a lovely evening chilling out. We went to a Chinese buffet, and then, we went back to her house to watch a movie. We watched Valentine's Day, which was good, if a little formulaic. We watched the ball drop on television, finished our movie, and then talked for a while. My night was fun and sober, so I have been keeping to my goals so far. Hopefully, this is indicative of the kind of year that this will be.
On the first, my dad and I made the drive over to Indiana--after several notable snafus--and spent the weekend in Indiana. I wanted to do so many things while I was there, but spending time with JJ was most important. We had dinner with his mother, went to a Chinese buffet with his father, went to lunch with our mutual friend Angie, and spend plenty of time just cuddling and watching movies.
It's interesting how much a person can enjoy cuddling when they haven't had the opportunity to cuddle for a while. You almost forget how nice it is to fit in someone else's arms. Notably, I have also missed having an opportunity to spend a weekend lounging in bed with JJ. It's been quite some time since I've had occasion to lounge in bed with someone other than just myself, but lounging in bed is especially appealing when another person is there to talk to, laugh with, and enjoy. It's even better when you can watch fantastic 80s movies like Night of the Comet, which was one of my favorite movies when I was growing up.
I also had a chance while in Indiana to go to dinner with my aunt, Maria. It was nice to get an evening with a supportive female who shares a portion of my genetic code. Sometimes, I forget what it's like to have female family members support me--which is more of a tale for a tell-all memoir than it is for a blog. My point is that it was nice to have some female bonding time. I realize that I have plenty of friends to bond with, but it's different when the female is a relative. There's a different energy there, a different kind of bond.
Mostly, I'm just glad that my life is more or less on track and that I had a good weekend. It was nice to get away from things for a while, spend a few days just relaxing. It was also nice to hear someone tell me that I have a healthy attitude and mindset. Sometimes, I tend to get a little too wrapped up in my negative qualities, and it's nice to hear that other people think that I have positive qualities. Above all, it was great to spend some time with JJ that was free of fights and drama. This was a very needed weekend for us, and I'm glad that we got to have it. Hopefully, things will stay on a positive trend for us.
2011, please be a better year than 2010!
First, my New Year was rung in fairly quietly. My friend, Ellen, came to get me and we spent a lovely evening chilling out. We went to a Chinese buffet, and then, we went back to her house to watch a movie. We watched Valentine's Day, which was good, if a little formulaic. We watched the ball drop on television, finished our movie, and then talked for a while. My night was fun and sober, so I have been keeping to my goals so far. Hopefully, this is indicative of the kind of year that this will be.
On the first, my dad and I made the drive over to Indiana--after several notable snafus--and spent the weekend in Indiana. I wanted to do so many things while I was there, but spending time with JJ was most important. We had dinner with his mother, went to a Chinese buffet with his father, went to lunch with our mutual friend Angie, and spend plenty of time just cuddling and watching movies.
It's interesting how much a person can enjoy cuddling when they haven't had the opportunity to cuddle for a while. You almost forget how nice it is to fit in someone else's arms. Notably, I have also missed having an opportunity to spend a weekend lounging in bed with JJ. It's been quite some time since I've had occasion to lounge in bed with someone other than just myself, but lounging in bed is especially appealing when another person is there to talk to, laugh with, and enjoy. It's even better when you can watch fantastic 80s movies like Night of the Comet, which was one of my favorite movies when I was growing up.
I also had a chance while in Indiana to go to dinner with my aunt, Maria. It was nice to get an evening with a supportive female who shares a portion of my genetic code. Sometimes, I forget what it's like to have female family members support me--which is more of a tale for a tell-all memoir than it is for a blog. My point is that it was nice to have some female bonding time. I realize that I have plenty of friends to bond with, but it's different when the female is a relative. There's a different energy there, a different kind of bond.
Mostly, I'm just glad that my life is more or less on track and that I had a good weekend. It was nice to get away from things for a while, spend a few days just relaxing. It was also nice to hear someone tell me that I have a healthy attitude and mindset. Sometimes, I tend to get a little too wrapped up in my negative qualities, and it's nice to hear that other people think that I have positive qualities. Above all, it was great to spend some time with JJ that was free of fights and drama. This was a very needed weekend for us, and I'm glad that we got to have it. Hopefully, things will stay on a positive trend for us.
2011, please be a better year than 2010!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Autumn's Chilled Arms
Much has happened since last I updated my poor, neglected blog. Leaves are turning, falling. Wind is picking up. The air has a chill now that comes with late October. I have forgone sleep for many hours. It's comfortable and familiar to my Midwestern heart. Autumn has always been my favorite season, but the cold of the air leaves a cold within me that I can't seem to kick until snows begin to fall. Oh, Autumn, you sassy wench! I love/hate you!
To begin with, AW's visit came and went. It was blissfully free of drama or event. I've never had so many people surrounding me at once. It was nice. I felt popular, well-liked. He was exceedingly quiet, which was not quite something that I expected. Yet, he gelled well with my friends. Charles, one of the basketball players that lives in my building, actually grew quite attached in the short time that they made each other's acquaintance. Endearing, no?
I've also managed a trip back to Indiana since last I wrote. JJ's cousin Matt was got married, and I was able to go to the wedding. It was a small, intimate ceremony. It was really lovely. We got to spend a little time with his family. Then, we went back to his father's house, where he's staying, and had some quality time to ourselves. There was no fighting or arguing. We simply enjoyed each other's company. It was comforting to sleep next to him again. I miss that physical intimacy. I was only able to be in town for a day, but it was still nice to be able to go.
I also went to a Halloween party and made a drunken spectacle of myself. I'm not proud, but I chalk it up to one of those normal college things. It's not like I'm getting smashed off my rocker each night and sleeping with strangers. I just got drunk once and said some idiotic things, sang too loudly, danced like a fool, and woke up hangover-free the next morning. All's well that ends well, I say.
There's not really too much else to say. I managed to get an A in my biochemistry class, which I wasn't sure was going to happen. Now we just have to see how I do in nutritional chemistry and pathophysiology.
One thing that I have found less than attractive about myself lately is how emotional I've been. I've been sullen, giddy, childish, indecisive, sad, jealous, and a host of other silly little things. I get offended so easily when it comes to certain individuals. Worst is what I am about to admit next...
I developed a ridiculous high school crush on one of the guys that hangs out with my group. I almost feel too humiliated to even admit it. As a friend so callously pointed out to me yesterday, he'll never see me the way that I see him. More than that, I'm a tangled mess of problems and people wanting wanting wanting from me. I don't have room for another. And those things are even before I mention the fact that I'm married and he's in a relationship (lest you be worried, I am not the type of woman who cheats or invites others into cheating, thank you). Sort of makes my stupid little crush seem like a moot and foolish point, doesn't it? I have a plan, though. First, delete phone number from phone, which I have already done once and plan to do a second time. Second, stop hanging out with this individual--not that he's not a great guy, but I really don't need the drama of extra stupid feelings. Third, never speak of this again. Please feel free to commence step three expediently.
I feel like I'm no longer sure what I want from my life. Nursing was a bust. I hated it. English or social work are good options, but I don't want to do all the bogus classes that I'm seeing my roommate taking right now for social work. I've always wanted to be a writer, but I really don't know if I can hack it. I don't think I'm that good. What to do? I'm still in the midst of wondering if this is me or autumn's cruel influence or both. I think sleep is much needed at this point.
To begin with, AW's visit came and went. It was blissfully free of drama or event. I've never had so many people surrounding me at once. It was nice. I felt popular, well-liked. He was exceedingly quiet, which was not quite something that I expected. Yet, he gelled well with my friends. Charles, one of the basketball players that lives in my building, actually grew quite attached in the short time that they made each other's acquaintance. Endearing, no?
I've also managed a trip back to Indiana since last I wrote. JJ's cousin Matt was got married, and I was able to go to the wedding. It was a small, intimate ceremony. It was really lovely. We got to spend a little time with his family. Then, we went back to his father's house, where he's staying, and had some quality time to ourselves. There was no fighting or arguing. We simply enjoyed each other's company. It was comforting to sleep next to him again. I miss that physical intimacy. I was only able to be in town for a day, but it was still nice to be able to go.
I also went to a Halloween party and made a drunken spectacle of myself. I'm not proud, but I chalk it up to one of those normal college things. It's not like I'm getting smashed off my rocker each night and sleeping with strangers. I just got drunk once and said some idiotic things, sang too loudly, danced like a fool, and woke up hangover-free the next morning. All's well that ends well, I say.
There's not really too much else to say. I managed to get an A in my biochemistry class, which I wasn't sure was going to happen. Now we just have to see how I do in nutritional chemistry and pathophysiology.
One thing that I have found less than attractive about myself lately is how emotional I've been. I've been sullen, giddy, childish, indecisive, sad, jealous, and a host of other silly little things. I get offended so easily when it comes to certain individuals. Worst is what I am about to admit next...
I developed a ridiculous high school crush on one of the guys that hangs out with my group. I almost feel too humiliated to even admit it. As a friend so callously pointed out to me yesterday, he'll never see me the way that I see him. More than that, I'm a tangled mess of problems and people wanting wanting wanting from me. I don't have room for another. And those things are even before I mention the fact that I'm married and he's in a relationship (lest you be worried, I am not the type of woman who cheats or invites others into cheating, thank you). Sort of makes my stupid little crush seem like a moot and foolish point, doesn't it? I have a plan, though. First, delete phone number from phone, which I have already done once and plan to do a second time. Second, stop hanging out with this individual--not that he's not a great guy, but I really don't need the drama of extra stupid feelings. Third, never speak of this again. Please feel free to commence step three expediently.
I feel like I'm no longer sure what I want from my life. Nursing was a bust. I hated it. English or social work are good options, but I don't want to do all the bogus classes that I'm seeing my roommate taking right now for social work. I've always wanted to be a writer, but I really don't know if I can hack it. I don't think I'm that good. What to do? I'm still in the midst of wondering if this is me or autumn's cruel influence or both. I think sleep is much needed at this point.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)