Packing Up

Recently, things have been in a tremendous amount of flux for my family. Our future has been rather uncertain as of late, and certain economic hardships have forced us to make some decisions. The long and short of our situation is that we've been required to make some choices about where we're going to be living.

I've decided, after much debate, that I'll be moving back to my home state. I've thought about this for a long time, but the truth of the matter is that Ohio has never felt like a home to me. There are a lot of things that I like about Toledo, but there are also a lot of things that I don't like about Toledo. In the four years that I've lived in this state, I've never gotten over the desire to go back home to Indiana. That means something to me.

More than anything else, I'm just ready to be in a place with my family again. I don't like being so far away from my in-laws. I'd like to be able to do things with them, to spend time with them. I'd like to be around to help with my husband's uncle's fledgling business. I'd like to be able to take JJ's grandmother to dinner every now and again. None of that is to say that I don't want to do the very same things with my own family, but we simply don't have the means. My father's job may necessitate a big move in the near future, which makes the future of my immediate family much more uncertain. If they end up back in Indiana, I'll of course want to do the same things with them.

One of the other reasons that I'm kind of excited for this move is surprising to even me: I missed my church. I'm excited to go back to my hometown and get involved in my church again. I've actually missed being a part of that community. I almost feel a responsibility to that church, to be involved there. I'm the fifth generation of my family to be a member at the church. I find myself yearning to take a place at that church, to allow faith to have a bigger role in my life. Normally, I wouldn't describe myself as being a prayerful individual, but lately, things have been different. I've felt a need that nothing else can really fill; I've found comfort in my relationship with God. Maybe that sounds strange coming from a cynic like myself, but it feels more strange than it sounds, believe me.

I'm not letting this move affect my academic career. I'm transferring to another institution in Indiana. I'll be trying to become a student at Bethel College. It's a good school, and the English program at Bethel college is very similar to the English program at Lourdes. They have no limit to the amount of credits they'll accept from other institutions, so I shouldn't lose any time. My credits should transfer. Also, getting a referral from my father should help me get some financial aid, which would be wonderful. Bethel is a good school. Lourdes was also good, but I didn't feel too comfortable there. I have hope that Bethel will be better.

Additionally, my husband is already in Indiana. Things have been going much better between us lately. I feel like our separation has been beneficial for us both. We've both gotten some much-needed perspective. We've learned a little bit more about ourselves through counseling, which we were both in. I think we also learned what our relationship means to each of us. Moving back in together will help us move forward. (Trust me, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't feel right about it. I've been getting a lot of flack from a lot of people about making this choice. My reply to any conflicting opinions is simply this: my marriage, my rules. If you don't like it, don't be married to me. It's simple.)

More than anything--and I know that I'm jumping the gun here--I'm looking forward to holidays with my in-laws. Since I started dating my husband, his grandmother and I have made Christmas cookies together for the holidays. It usually takes us several days. We spend a day on Kifli and another day or two on other types of cookies--sugar cookies, spritz, seven layer bars, snicker doodles, butter cookies, peanut butter cookies, etc etc. We go to church together on Christmas eve. It's simply lovely to be around more often, to enjoy those little family things. I guess I didn't really realize how much I missed those things until I thought about what it would be like to have them back. Thinking about the things I could be doing with my family made me excited to do them.

I'm just ready to be back in Indiana. I'm ready to move again. It's time to start over.