So, in typical Jessica fashion, I seem to have gotten myself into a bit of a pickle. You see, I have been encouraging my mother-in-law to pursue a continuing education. She has expressed a discontentment with her life and her work, and I suggested that the best way to handle these feelings may be to go back to school. She has truly been thinking about it, to her credit.
Now, here's where it gets a little rocky. The program that she wants to join isn't available at the local branch of Ivy Tech, and she declared long ago that she doesn't want to be a "nurse like you, Jess, or anyone's secretary." (Both of these are my careers, one future, one present. Yet again, the Freudian message that I'm not good enough for her son...but I digress.) She settled on the notion of hotel management as a sort of spur of the moment decision. She hasn't gone to a college and done any career aptitude testing or anything, she just looked online at the catalog with me and said, "Well, that sounds good!" To the best of my knowledge, she hasn't even met with an adviser.
Now she's decided that, since she can't do her degree program at Ivy Tech, she's going to "go" for the University of Phoenix online. Here's where you lose me. To me, if I'm a hiring manager, the choice between a school that you actually committed to physically going to every single day versus an online class that, let's face it, anyone else could be doing for you is an easy choice. I'd always choose the actual school.
I know people feel that the University of Phoenix online is a good school and a good option for some. I just don't know if it will be the best choice for her. She's been out of school for a long time, and she needs a little bit of guidance when she's being told how to do things. Not to mention her own fear. She's so freaked out that she's going to fail. I'm afraid that her enrolling in on-line classes will let that become a self-fulfilling prophecy for her, and then she'll never consider taking another class for anything ever again.
I don't want this to ruin school for her, but I'm afraid that it will. I want her to have a better life and to be successful and happy--even if my reasons are of the selfish variety.
She's asked me to provide her with a financial aid reference. I don't want to say no, but I don't think that JJ and I can face the repercussions of what it means if she does happen to default on her loans. Granted, she will be eligible for many many many many grants, but that doesn't mean that we can afford to help her if she does decide to take out loans. Moreover, what if something happens to her before she completes her school or pays them off? That falls on us. And we'll have our own debt to take care of. I'm not even totally sure how we're going to swing beginning payments on JJ's loans after he graduates this spring.
I'd be more inclined to help her if she was attending a college that could provide her with the kind of help that returning college students usually need. If she were going to Owens, I'd be 100% sure about helping her. Owens has so many grants and programs to keep people from flunking out and falling through the cracks--AQIP, Supplemental Instruction, the Learning Centers, Student Success Mentors, etc, etc. I guess I never really had any kind of inkling how lucky I am to have chosen such a good school. We really do have a lot of help at our fingertips, and, even though I don't always make use of it, it's reassuring to know that it's there.
I truly can't imagine how she must be feeling. I feel awful because all I seem to do is tell her that her ideas are wrong. Go back to school, but don't go to this school. Go back to school, but don't count on me for help if you're not making the kind of decisions that I like. Go back to school and I'll help you, but I live two hundred plus miles away. It's no wonder to me that she feels so completely discouraged. I keep thinking, "If she just lived around here..." or "If only there was a school there that was comparable to Owens..."
I'm just not sure how to handle her anymore. I almost immediately get angry with her whenever I speak to her online or on Facebook. She irritates me so much because she never takes any of the good advice that JJ or I have to offer her. She asks us for help, but then she doesn't take any of it. I want to be patient and understanding, but my nerves begin to sing when I talk to her about this subject. I want her to succeed, but not at the expense of my sanity. When I'm face to face with her, she listens to me and it's easy to talk to her. When we go back home, she's nuts again, and I have no idea why.
I really do love JJ's family. Lord knows the accepted me with open arms knowing little to nothing about me, and I'm grateful for that. I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to help with this situation. I have nine hundred other things on my mind right now. I don't need to worry about her too. It would be easier if I lived in town with her, could take her to an adviser and help her ask and answer those questions she needs to figure out. Unfortunately, from here I can't do much of anything, and I'm afraid that if something goes wrong I'm going to be unable to keep from telling her the almighty I-Told-You-So.
Why is trying to be a decent human being such a fucking battle? I try to make good choices and be kind, but it doesn't always work. Can someone please reassure me here? Do I suck as a human being?
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