Saturday afternoon, my wonderful husband took me to see a movie that I'd been very excited to see: Julie & Julia. I really loved it, although it made me want to cook like you wouldn't believe (which is probably a bad sign considering how unsuccessful my kitchen endeavors typically are). I had hoped to read the book before seeing the movie, but there simply hasn't been enough time for me to read much of anything lately. I love all the classes I'm taking--with the exception of statistics--but I have to work really hard to keep up with the reading.
I did leave the movie thinking about things pretty heavily. I feel like I need something like that, something that could give me meaning that I could really enjoy. I don't think it could ever be cooking for me--hell, my husband will tell any stranger who stands still long enough that I'm a terrible cook. But I need to do something that I can use to wash the stress away. Who knows, maybe it could be cooking. I could learn.
I just need to feel like I have something to keep me from unraveling. I need to feel like I have something that I can turn to when things get difficult--or even when they don't--so that I can feel okay. I'd like to have something that's important to me, even if it isn't important to anyone else.
More on this later as I get ideas. I'm sure, to begin with, most of them will be idiotic.
Sunday, my husband's aunt, uncle, and cousin came into town and we took them and the cousin's three kids to the Toledo zoo. We all had a pretty nice time there. The new kids area is really cool. After that, they wanted to go to a Fossil park that they had heard of on the web. I had never heard of it, but it was in Sylvania, which isn't too far from home. Digging for fossils really isn't my style; it's dusty and kind of muddy, but the kids really enjoyed having an excuse to get dirty.
My husband, JJ, and I got home tired and sunburned. My sunburn, however, was pretty mild this time--just a little extra color on the cheeks. We had a quick dinner with the family and we retired upstairs, both taking showers and then just relaxing in our room for the night. I'm glad we had Monday off because I don't think I'd have been much good for anything.
Today, however, has already started off hectic. JJ stayed home because he had a fever of 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit as of this morning. I got to work to find my computer not working properly, only to be barraged with printer problem questions a few minutes later. The best part is that, as of this very moment, I've only been here for an hour and a half. I've been on the phone with IT three times already this morning.
It's a good thing that I stopped for some pumpkin spice coffee on the way in, otherwise I'd be totally useless and frazzled. I'm really trying hard to embrace the idea of serenity in my life. I'm trying much harder not to let stupid things get to me because I feel like I spend the majority of my time annoyed, frustrated, and upset. I need to be more forgiving, which is really hard for me. I come from a family where no one lets anything go. As a result, I have become the kind of person who holds grudges and has a hard time maintaining friendships in the face of adversity.
I've never learned how to forgive. I don't know what it is to be in a relationship where forgiveness is a normal thing, as it should be. I can forgive my husband, but we have really had to struggle to find that place together. Forgiveness doesn't come easily to me, but I want it to. I feel like many of my friendships would have lasted much longer if I could simply let things go. I've gotten somewhat better at it, but I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be.
On a somewhat related note, I have two friends who are in a very lucky and fortunate position. These are friends that I wish I had been able to keep in my immediate circle. I miss exchanging phone calls with weekly reports and visiting when we're in town. I don't know if you guys read this, but I don't want to have regrets later on. If there's a way to fix this, let's do it before it gets worse. Congratulations on your recent blessings. I'm very happy for you.
At this point, I'm just hoping the remainder of my day will go well. I'm facing an IO chem lecture, an awful student government meeting--to which I am truly not looking forward--and a quiz in stats. It's a good thing I am familiar with the Serenity Prayer...
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