Irrational Fears

So, today is the day of my dental appointment. Hopefully, they will give me some antibiotics and we can make some choices about the future of my dental health from there. All I know is that I want this pain to be done now. It's been a little over half a week and I'm already done with it.

I must admit, however, I have a somewhat irrational fear of the dentist here. The first most important notion is that I'm leaving work to go to the dentist. My appointment is at 12:15 PM, and I have a class that starts at 2:00 PM. I'm a little worried that I'll be late or miss my class entirely. Considering that it's going to be Inorganic and Organic Chemistry that I'll miss, I'm somewhat nonplussed about this idea.

Secondly, I'm worried based on an experience that I had with a dentist back in Indiana. Typically, I had one particular hygienist because she was very good and very kind. The one fucking time that I ever got someone else, she tried to scrape the enamel off of my teeth. I have pocked enamel as a result of not getting enough calcium in the womb. From what I understand, this is fairly common for twins. Apparently, this hygienist was too stupid to know what pocks in enamel are and that you can't fucking scrape them off. To make a long story short, one my front teeth--of course the front, where could they be more visible, after all?--still has a series of scrapes across its surface that are clearly visible. I don't want to have a replay of this ridiculous event.

However, I am going to take a step in the right direction from the first moment. I'll begin by apologizing for myself in advance. I'll say, "I'm normally a very pleasant person, but gross amounts of pain do ugly things to me. Needless to say, I am not a very pleasant person today." Then I'll tell them about my scraping problem and how it has scared me off of dentistry in a fundamental way, and I'm hoping that they'll help to change my mind.

There's something almost evil about the field of dentistry. For example, you need to have sensitive hygienist and a sensitive dentist in order to have a positive experience, especially if you are like me and scared to death of pain and what they can do to you. (Every time I hear the drill, my body tenses up, and I start to panic just a little bit.) However, the problem here is that the kind of dentists that people like my husband and I can afford are the kind that don't really care about your needs because they're awfully bitter that they can't make the kind of money they'd love to be making. Nobody gets into dentistry because they love teeth and people, finding that dentistry is a perfect marriage of the two. No. They get into dentistry because they're pretty sure that they can make exorbitant amounts of money in the field.

I am absolutely certain that I'm saying all of this out of bitterness for the fact that I'm poor and dental work is expensive. However, as far as my experience goes, the dentists and hygienists that were most sensitive to my needs and willing to work with me were the ones at the expensive dental offices--the kind that make a crown a thousand dollar affair. Of course, these are the dental offices that I certainly can't afford to pay for now.

All I know is that this is going to end expensively and possibly painfully. I am not happy. And, as the hour approaches, I get more and more nervous. What if I miss my class? What if I have to stay like all day for extensive work? What if they tell me that I'll need tons more work than this and I'll have to come back repeatedly? What if it hurts and they won't do anything to remedy that? What if they won't let me have my MP3 player on? There's a sea of negative thought going on in my head right now, none of which is helping.

Let's hope I don't freak out big time. I'll update later about how it went, but I don't have very high hopes.