It was nice to have some time together for the first time in well over a month. We went out to lunch together, watched Blade Runner, and just kinda chatted. I dozed off a little bit a few times. It would have been nicer if I hadn't been so tired, but we had to leave early so that I could maximize my time. I brought him a teddy bear wearing a t-shirt that read "Someone from Lourdes L<3VES Me!" which I purchased for him when I bought my text books and sprayed with my perfume. In an effort to feel a little more connected, I've sprayed a little penguin that he bought me at Owens with his cologne. I realize that that sounds cheesy and a little bit pathetic, but I think it makes it a little bit easier to adjust to the loneliness.
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| The bear, being held by JJ. We're calling him Francis because Lourdes is a Franciscan college. |
Surprisingly, my mother has been supportive about the whole situation. My little brother has been cool about it. My dad, in a startling twist, has been kind of a douche about it. Mostly, I'm just really ready to be alone. I'm ready for dorm life just so that I don't have to answer questions about it or defend my feelings--not that all of them are asking that of me. It's just that it gets super wearing, even if it's only coming from one person. It just makes me feel so tired, like I could sleep for weeks.
Today, I've been full of tears. It's been awful. I'm sure that it has a great deal to do with being menstrual right now, but I really can't stand myself when I get like this. I cry at everything. I had to struggle not to cry when I wrote my letter blog earlier. I had to struggle not to cry while listening to Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here." Hell, I'll be honest about it, I'm struggling not to cry right now, and I don't really even have anything to cry about! I wish it could all be blamed on female hormones, but I think stress has a little something to do with it as well.
Friday, I move into the dorms. I'm nervous, excited, and a plethora of other emotions about it. My roommate seems like a pretty nice girl. She's pretty quiet, but I'm confident that we'll get along. I met up with her and her fiance last week. They both seem like they'll be fairly easy for me to get along with--and I say both because I get the impression that he'll be spending a lot of time around, which is totally fine with me. There's potential that we might have a third roommate with us, but so far, we haven't had any more notifications about that. I also have to keep studying, finish packing, and do some dorm room shopping all before Friday morning, when I move in. My dad also wants me to work on stupid data entry crap too. Frankly, I'm starting to freak out about how little time I have left to get my shit together.
I'm pretty sure, though, given my teary state--because, let's face it, I'm acting like the poster child for female hysteria--that I need to get some rest. At the very least, I ought to lie down and explore the idea of taking some quiet time for myself. We used to have Quiet Time as children. We couldn't leave our rooms and we had to be quiet, but we didn't have to take naps. We just had to be quiet. I did a lot of reading and thinking back then. I remember wondering what it would be like when I was a grown up, when I got married, wondering what it was like to be in love. Maybe Quiet Time is a good idea for adult. There should be mandatory afternoon Quiet Time in offices, I think. We might be a much more well adjusted society if we could observe that.
In fact, I think I'll go observe a little bit of my own quiet time right now...
