This last week has been full of critical decisions for me. I thought long and very hard about what I'm going to do with myself as far as school is concerned. My nursing classes were rendering me physically ill. I was nauseous, I had some (to put it as politely as possible) intestinal issues, and I would break into a sweat whenever I walked into a nursing class. Along with my recent apprehension, this was telling me pretty clearly that nursing isn't for me any more.
The hardest part of this whole process has been making the decision to drop my nursing classes this semester. I've worked for the past two and a half years at having a career in nursing, only to discover that I don't like it at all. I really hate it. It makes me ill. This is not a good thing. The thing that I have always known, though, is that I wanted to teach. My initial goal was to get a master's degree in nursing and teach nursing courses. I know that I want to teach. I think I'd be much better suited to teaching English, though.
I've always loved words. They have a cathartic effect for me. I've always been passionate about writing, but I never thought that I was very good at it. From the time that I was little, I wanted to be a writer. Those who cannot do, teach. I think I have a temperament suited quiet well to teaching, and it's something that I'd love to do. Supplemental instruction at Owens definitely showed me how rewarding teaching is, as well as how much I love it.
With all of this in mind, I'll be going this week to drop my NUR 210, NUR 211, and NUR 212 courses and find a new advisor. I'm keeping my pathophysiology, biochemistry, and nutritional chemistry courses, though. I need to do what's right for me, and this is it. The hardest part was making the choice. Once I decided, my emotional levels have calmed back down to normal. I'm not as manic or freaked out. I'm much better, actually. Things are much more normal.
That is, with regard to everything except my roommate. Last night, after politely requesting several things of her, she stormed off and hasn't spoken to me since then. I had to get the residential advisors involved, which irks me because I did everything right in this situation. I was polite and cordial; I never yelled or accused. I simply asked her to modify two small behaviors, and it became the crisis of the century for her.
The whole situation strikes me as much too dramatic for such a small request. I'm inclined to accuse her of making it bigger than it has to be for the attention. I have to say that in light of some of the events of the past, I'm not entirely comfortable with her. Her moods and behaviors are erratic, her social skills are lacking to put it mildly, and her hygiene habits leave much to be desired. She seems mostly nice enough, but her blow up yesterday makes me question that initial assessment. To be frank, I came here to avoid the erratic behaviors of my family. It doesn't please me to find myself faced with them again in her. I'm not entirely sure what to do with her because my first inclination--violence--is utterly unacceptable. I definitely seek advice. Help me out here, internet!
Showing posts with label nursing school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nursing school. Show all posts
Monday, September 13, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Vacation, All I Ever Wanted
This weekend, in an effort to get some peace of mind, I have come home to my parents' house. It's a mini-vacation of sorts, though I do miss my girls. I had a terrible week, and it was filled with terrible experiences which I did not enjoy at all. In light of that, I needed to get away. Funnily enough, though, is that five minutes into being here, my mother was already saying nasty things to me. Amazing! I thought she might've missed me, but, alas, no. Even that, though, is better than the experiment in terror that was my entire week.
For example, my meeting with my advisor. I don't want to rehash the whole thing, but the long-story-short version of it is that they wanted to switch me to an American Sign Language class rather than my nutritional chemistry class because I had already taken nutrition at Owens. The problem is that the ASL class is only one credit hour--which just barely keeps me a full time student--and it's already two weeks in. I always promised myself I'd never take ASL or Spanish. Well, what started as a meeting to discuss switching classes--which I did not do--ended up an hour and a half session with me in tears talking about why I'm afraid that I hate nursing already when it's only been two weeks.
My advisor is a lovely woman. She means well, she really does. If I were relying solely on her faith in me to get through the program, I'd surely believe that I would be awesome for this career. Unfortunately, there's much more to it than that. I'm quite convinced, based on my personal feelings as well as some of the things that I was told in that meeting by another member of the Lourdes staff (and by that, I mean someone else who was not my amazing advisor), I'm not cut out for nursing anymore. A part of me is grieving about that because it's what I've worked so hard for these last two years. Another part of me is relieved. Based on my feelings, I'm making the decision to finish this semester and change majors. To what, I'm not entirely sure yet.
One thing I do know is that I love teaching. Supplemental instruction at Owens definitely showed me that teaching was something that I enjoyed, which I had suspected all along. I could see myself teaching English at either a high school or college level--or, hell, both! I could also see myself going into something like social work. I'd want to work with teenagers in some way. I don't really think teenagers are appreciated enough. I could see myself teaching high school English while I work on getting a master's or Ph. D. to teach college-level English classes.
Additionally, English has been something I've always enjoyed. No matter what was going on in my life or in the rest of my school career--if you can call my lacking commitment to anything in high school "scholarly" or "career"--I always loved and excelled in English. It's always been a forte of mine. I always enjoyed the reading and the interpretation. The last English class that I took, the instructor asked for a copy of my paper to share with her future classes as an example of how to write the assignment correctly. I really feel like maybe this is supposed to happen. Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. Maybe English or social work or whatever else are the real reason that I'm not enjoying nursing.
I have all semester to start thinking about what I'll do with next semester, in the midst of trying not to sink into nursing hell. I just think it's pretty vital for me to admit, at this point, that this field isn't for me anymore, despite the fact that I want for it to be. And that's okay too.
For example, my meeting with my advisor. I don't want to rehash the whole thing, but the long-story-short version of it is that they wanted to switch me to an American Sign Language class rather than my nutritional chemistry class because I had already taken nutrition at Owens. The problem is that the ASL class is only one credit hour--which just barely keeps me a full time student--and it's already two weeks in. I always promised myself I'd never take ASL or Spanish. Well, what started as a meeting to discuss switching classes--which I did not do--ended up an hour and a half session with me in tears talking about why I'm afraid that I hate nursing already when it's only been two weeks.
My advisor is a lovely woman. She means well, she really does. If I were relying solely on her faith in me to get through the program, I'd surely believe that I would be awesome for this career. Unfortunately, there's much more to it than that. I'm quite convinced, based on my personal feelings as well as some of the things that I was told in that meeting by another member of the Lourdes staff (and by that, I mean someone else who was not my amazing advisor), I'm not cut out for nursing anymore. A part of me is grieving about that because it's what I've worked so hard for these last two years. Another part of me is relieved. Based on my feelings, I'm making the decision to finish this semester and change majors. To what, I'm not entirely sure yet.
One thing I do know is that I love teaching. Supplemental instruction at Owens definitely showed me that teaching was something that I enjoyed, which I had suspected all along. I could see myself teaching English at either a high school or college level--or, hell, both! I could also see myself going into something like social work. I'd want to work with teenagers in some way. I don't really think teenagers are appreciated enough. I could see myself teaching high school English while I work on getting a master's or Ph. D. to teach college-level English classes.
Additionally, English has been something I've always enjoyed. No matter what was going on in my life or in the rest of my school career--if you can call my lacking commitment to anything in high school "scholarly" or "career"--I always loved and excelled in English. It's always been a forte of mine. I always enjoyed the reading and the interpretation. The last English class that I took, the instructor asked for a copy of my paper to share with her future classes as an example of how to write the assignment correctly. I really feel like maybe this is supposed to happen. Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. Maybe English or social work or whatever else are the real reason that I'm not enjoying nursing.
I have all semester to start thinking about what I'll do with next semester, in the midst of trying not to sink into nursing hell. I just think it's pretty vital for me to admit, at this point, that this field isn't for me anymore, despite the fact that I want for it to be. And that's okay too.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Unpreparedness and the Terrors of Skills Lab
This week has been quite trying for me. I'm in the throes of an inner crisis revolving around me trying to find my appropriate place in life. I mean, don't get me wrong, nursing is a noble field, but the classes that I'm in right now are making me question my place in the field of nursing. Let me explain why.
First, my Nursing Concepts class is run by a drill instructor of a woman. Each class, she tells us something more terrifying about what we'll have to do when we reach clinicals or finally get into the field. That or she tells us something that makes her seem completely insensitive. The first day of class, she told us not to ever bother coming in if we're sick. Then she told us not to get sick more than twice. Well, which is it you stupid old bitch?! Do you want us to come in and be in your class or do you want us to stay away?!
My Basic Skills class is equally obnoxious, but for a different reason. My instructor is super nice, but she's a little under-prepared. For example, last class we had to make a video to simulate and assessment and then we had to make recording to simulate what it's like to have to call around the hospital for results or other things. We had bare descriptions as scenarios, but no specifics. You have to call about your patient. Unfortunately, you don't know what's wrong with your patient, what the patient's name is, what floor you're on, the patient's room, etc, etc. I'm sorry, but don't you think you might've prepared something like that for us? I mean, these are things that we'll actually know when we get to clinicals or the field. Just sayin'!
It doesn't really help either that last lab I was under-prepared. In my defense, though, we were supposed to watch videos on a website that I couldn't get to work. When I e-mailed the instructor about it, I was passed off to another instructor, and neither of them really ended up answering my question or even attempting to really help me at all.
I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss Owens. At least at Owens I knew people, and I knew where my resources were. Lourdes pretends to care about you, but then doesn't actually care about you. At least Owens was open with their sink-or-swim attitude.
I don't know. I find myself getting incredibly discouraged. I just don't feel like this is for me any more. All of this would be so much easier if I just knew what I wanted out of life. Unfortunately, I don't any more. And that really isn't making things any better. I just want to quit everything and find my place on some hippie commune as the guru figure that people turn to for advice. I don't want any actual responsibility though, so I'll have to master the art of B.S.ing my way into answers or passing off failures. "Oh, my advice didn't work for you? Well, maybe it's because you didn't want it badly enough. First, you must find inner peace. THEN you focus on getting what you want. Did you have inner peace first? No? Well, there you go then."
That could work for me, right?
First, my Nursing Concepts class is run by a drill instructor of a woman. Each class, she tells us something more terrifying about what we'll have to do when we reach clinicals or finally get into the field. That or she tells us something that makes her seem completely insensitive. The first day of class, she told us not to ever bother coming in if we're sick. Then she told us not to get sick more than twice. Well, which is it you stupid old bitch?! Do you want us to come in and be in your class or do you want us to stay away?!
My Basic Skills class is equally obnoxious, but for a different reason. My instructor is super nice, but she's a little under-prepared. For example, last class we had to make a video to simulate and assessment and then we had to make recording to simulate what it's like to have to call around the hospital for results or other things. We had bare descriptions as scenarios, but no specifics. You have to call about your patient. Unfortunately, you don't know what's wrong with your patient, what the patient's name is, what floor you're on, the patient's room, etc, etc. I'm sorry, but don't you think you might've prepared something like that for us? I mean, these are things that we'll actually know when we get to clinicals or the field. Just sayin'!
It doesn't really help either that last lab I was under-prepared. In my defense, though, we were supposed to watch videos on a website that I couldn't get to work. When I e-mailed the instructor about it, I was passed off to another instructor, and neither of them really ended up answering my question or even attempting to really help me at all.
I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss Owens. At least at Owens I knew people, and I knew where my resources were. Lourdes pretends to care about you, but then doesn't actually care about you. At least Owens was open with their sink-or-swim attitude.
I don't know. I find myself getting incredibly discouraged. I just don't feel like this is for me any more. All of this would be so much easier if I just knew what I wanted out of life. Unfortunately, I don't any more. And that really isn't making things any better. I just want to quit everything and find my place on some hippie commune as the guru figure that people turn to for advice. I don't want any actual responsibility though, so I'll have to master the art of B.S.ing my way into answers or passing off failures. "Oh, my advice didn't work for you? Well, maybe it's because you didn't want it badly enough. First, you must find inner peace. THEN you focus on getting what you want. Did you have inner peace first? No? Well, there you go then."
That could work for me, right?
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