This week has been quite trying for me. I'm in the throes of an inner crisis revolving around me trying to find my appropriate place in life. I mean, don't get me wrong, nursing is a noble field, but the classes that I'm in right now are making me question my place in the field of nursing. Let me explain why.
First, my Nursing Concepts class is run by a drill instructor of a woman. Each class, she tells us something more terrifying about what we'll have to do when we reach clinicals or finally get into the field. That or she tells us something that makes her seem completely insensitive. The first day of class, she told us not to ever bother coming in if we're sick. Then she told us not to get sick more than twice. Well, which is it you stupid old bitch?! Do you want us to come in and be in your class or do you want us to stay away?!
My Basic Skills class is equally obnoxious, but for a different reason. My instructor is super nice, but she's a little under-prepared. For example, last class we had to make a video to simulate and assessment and then we had to make recording to simulate what it's like to have to call around the hospital for results or other things. We had bare descriptions as scenarios, but no specifics. You have to call about your patient. Unfortunately, you don't know what's wrong with your patient, what the patient's name is, what floor you're on, the patient's room, etc, etc. I'm sorry, but don't you think you might've prepared something like that for us? I mean, these are things that we'll actually know when we get to clinicals or the field. Just sayin'!
It doesn't really help either that last lab I was under-prepared. In my defense, though, we were supposed to watch videos on a website that I couldn't get to work. When I e-mailed the instructor about it, I was passed off to another instructor, and neither of them really ended up answering my question or even attempting to really help me at all.
I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss Owens. At least at Owens I knew people, and I knew where my resources were. Lourdes pretends to care about you, but then doesn't actually care about you. At least Owens was open with their sink-or-swim attitude.
I don't know. I find myself getting incredibly discouraged. I just don't feel like this is for me any more. All of this would be so much easier if I just knew what I wanted out of life. Unfortunately, I don't any more. And that really isn't making things any better. I just want to quit everything and find my place on some hippie commune as the guru figure that people turn to for advice. I don't want any actual responsibility though, so I'll have to master the art of B.S.ing my way into answers or passing off failures. "Oh, my advice didn't work for you? Well, maybe it's because you didn't want it badly enough. First, you must find inner peace. THEN you focus on getting what you want. Did you have inner peace first? No? Well, there you go then."
That could work for me, right?
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