As I noted in my post a few days ago, I had a birthday the other day. It was uneventful, as has been my entire week. Yet, despite all this nothing doing, I'm still missing out on sleep and relaxation time. I'd really love to be able to say that it's super easy for me to drift off in this twin XL bed, but it's actually really terrible.
Here's the thing about college: I love the freedom and the independence. There was definitely something there that I needed. The downside is that it all comes at the price of having anything familiar. In essence, it's like being instantly single. There's no one to look after you or to take care of you. You don't get the luxury of cuddling up to someone in the night. There are hook-ups all around you, but you're not having them yourself. Though the independence is cathartic, everything else is sort of cold and lonely.
Don't get me wrong here, this doesn't stem from some teenage yearning to be liked or desired. I'm actually very well-liked here. In fact, this is the first time in my life that either people aren't talking about me or, for a record-breaking first time, I really, truly just don't give a shit. I just can't seem to enjoy it. If I'm not feeling the pressure of existence or freaking out about some stupid deadline, I'm not really feeling much of anything. Yet, somehow, I'm more or less comfortable here. Odd, no?
In other news, AW--the ever-famous Canadian--is coming to visit me on Monday. He'll be staying for a week. I have no idea what will happen or if we'll even enjoy each other's company. I have a feeling that I'm much more of an acquired taste than the lovely ladies that share my time lately have assumed. The closer that we get to this arrival, the less I think of this dynamic. Rather, I'm certain that things may go south in one way or another. In some ways, that makes it a good thing that I live in the dorms. I mean, sharing a building with a bunch of people who know and love me can't be all bad, especially if things are sinking faster. We shall see.
In the mean time, I'm going to attempt to shake off the bondage of insomnia and sleep for a while. You may have noticed that I am up very late, despite a need to awaken early. Why is this? I can't seem to get comfortable enough to rest. Every time I start to settle enough to sleep, the phone rings or I get a text message. It was hard enough to settle in the first time, harder still to manage it thrice. Needless to say, the fourth time wasn't working for me all that well, which is what spurred my update. Oh, Brain, when will you decide you're tortured me enough?
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