Chaos Reigns Supreme

I've had a rather chaotic day (as I am most certain that my ever-so-clever title would surely dictate). There were so many things that went wrong. I should have figured that when I got up late it would be sure to get ugly, but I maintained hope for the day.

Here are some of the mishaps of the day, in no particular order: woke up late, got to work and the girl who was supposed to be here was late, got into a fight with my husband, had a major student government event that went fairly badly due to poor organization, reacted negatively to said event, couldn't focus in class, forgot to tell someone how to properly do a student worker task and had to stop them in the middle after some of it had already been done (I felt REALLY bad about that one), got sunburned, didn't have time to eat, fought tears the majority of the day.

I have no idea why I've been so utterly unbalanced emotionally lately, but I have a deep suspicion that it has something to do with the fact that I worked all summer. I really should have taken a much needed summer vacation, but I didn't. I took Microbiology and Immunology and I worked. I really needed to take some time off, but I ignored it, thinking that it would put me closer to graduation. On the contrary, I got even further from graduation because now I'll have to transfer to a different school. (Long story short, I can't get into my program of study quickly enough, so, instead of settling for an associates degree, I'm getting a bachelors at a better school. It's a nice step up, but it complicates my life, sadly.)

I feel like I should spend some time bitching about the student government event, but I also feel like there wouldn't be much of a point to it. As it stands, it wasn't done right. It was done so pitifully, utterly, half-witted and wrong that I'm not even certain there's any way to call it a successful event. The majority of my frustration stems from the fact that every time I say something about it, some fool deigns to tell me that it was a "learning experience." Of course, like in all things, I get brushed off for being a perfectionist or having my standards far too high. Yet, there are events that go off without a hitch all the time. Why can't we have one of those? Are my standards just too high for community college? Is that the problem?

I feel even more ridiculous for letting it get to me. I'm the student government vice president. It reflects badly on me and all the members of student government if our events are poor excuses for organization. It irks me that other people would call this a "learning experience" or say things like, "Well, this is just our first event! This is to be expected!" I don't think these things are to be expected. If people were doing their jobs or duties, we wouldn't have these problems. Maybe I'm partially to blame, I don't know. It just really upsets me to think that we could have done a better job, and we didn't simply because we're lazy.

I just wonder if being committed to student government is worth the effort for me. I've got a hectic life. I'm taking a full-time course load; I work 30 hours a week. That doesn't even take into account any study time that I might need. Student government is more time, work, and effort. I get no returns. I feel like I'm not listened to at all when I voice my opinions. So why do I bother? I'm not even sure that it's worth the stress. I've gone so far out of my comfort zone for all of this. I've been trying so hard to put myself out there and give this a chance. I spent some nights in the woods for this crap! (I hate nature. If you know me, you know that nights in a cabin in Nowheresville are so far outside the scope of my comfort zone that I couldn't even see it anymore by the time the weekend was over.) Most importantly, I'm not even sure that I really wanted to be involved in the first place. Rather, I feel that this is the result of my extreme and pathetic inability to say no.

All day, I've been asking myself the same question: Is a bullet-point on a resume worth all of this?

I'm not a quitter, but I can't help but consider the perks here. I'm so frustrated and emotional right now. I know that if I need to quit then I need to think about it long and hard and do it the right way. However, I would really just love to storm over to the acting president right now, quit in the loudest way possible, and throw something at his head. I know I can't, but--oh man!--do I want to!

I think that my major plan here is to just go home and get some sleep. I can kick myself about things beyond my control any other time.