Destructive Fruition

As a result of my recent urges to be pierced and tatted once again, I suppose I may have made a less than stellar choice. First, some back-story.

When I was a teenager, I wanted a tongue piercing so badly. It was the first piercing that I really, truly wanted. I fixated on the idea since I was 16, but in Indiana, you either need  parental permission or to be 18 years of age to get a piercing. Needless to say, the last thing that my parents wanted their daughter to have was a metal stud through her tongue. In fact, I was lectured about infections. Tongue piercings were representative of the freedom and adult power that I wanted. I was tired of everyone else controlling my life.

When I turned 18, I made it pretty clear at, at some point, I was going to get my tongue pierced--parental approval or not. My parents wisely noted that, while they couldn't stop me, they thought I should research the piercing process and the proper care. Seeing the reason behind this request, I obliged them. Then, one sunny Saturday afternoon, Mandy and I went to the local piercing place--the name escapes me right now--and I got my coveted tongue piercing. I talked funny for about two weeks. Every time I ate, I had to get used to it again.

Yet, it was so cool. I was one of the few people at school that had that piercing. I was kind of a bad ass. It was sexy. It had implications, but not terrible ones. I've never been cute or tiny or worthy of attention, but having a piercing that no one else has buys you a little bit of attention. It's kind of nice.

Long story short on the tongue piercing, I ended up taking it out a few years later. It started to rub on my gums, which was painful. I decided it would be best to nix it and move on with my life. After all, I totally wanted to be taken seriously, right!?

Well, as my last blog whined, I have been in dire need of a change lately. I've been dying for a little bit of difference in my life. So, when the idea of getting some piercings redone--specifically my nipples--occurred to me, I jumped at the idea. But nipples you can't pierce yourself, even if the ghosts of the former piercings remain. (I say this from experience. I did re-pierce my nipple left once...let's just say it only lasted about three hours before I gave up on it.) Nipples will be something that I have pierced professionally.

However, I have pierced my own tongue again before. About a year after I took it out the first time, I decided I wanted it back. So I shoved the stud through again. Last night, it occurred to me that, if I could re-pierce my nipples, I'd be able to re-pierce my tongue. And, since I'd done my tongue before myself, I could do it at home. It would be a way to bring the changes on without paying. I mean, hell, I already had all the piercing stuff, right?

So, last night, I re-pierced my tongue again. It makes me wonder why I ever took it out in the first place. Now, don't get me wrong here, it hurt like a bitch to shove that stud through again. There's a little bit of swelling, and my tongue is definitely sore again today. Yet, I feel like it was totally worth it. And there's a little bit of personal satisfaction from the fact that I did that for myself. It's a lovely change. Maybe it's just because of the connection that I've always seen between the piercing and freedom. Maybe it's because I'm secretly a masochist. Maybe it's just because I'm so desperate for change that I'm willing to take matters into my own hands to find it.

I feel like this is the start of a series of drastic changes. I'm ridiculously satisfied with it. I just need to get used to having metal in my mouth again.