Halloween and Maturation

I came to a sad realization today: for the first time ever--even in my adult life--I am not excited about Halloween.

When I was a child, Halloween was always my favorite holiday. You could be anything that you wanted, dress in any way that you chose. My usual wardrobe, which was considered by my parentals to be "too dark," was actually acceptable. It was alright for children to roam the streets after dark, laugh too loudly with all of their neighborhood friends. Even a little bit of mischief was tolerated because it was expected on Halloween. It was always an evening that was rife with possibilities.

Autumn itself has always been my favorite of seasons for the same reason. The cool air just feels pregnant with change, potential. It seems like it could be a time when special things happen, when life brings you the things that are supposed to come to you. Nature fools you with it. The air becomes temperate, then cool. The leaves begin to turn the beautiful colors of fall. You begin to feel it in your bones, that feeling that something is coming, maybe for you.

Halloween has always yielded some of the best parties, best memories. With the exception of one very notable year, it has almost always been positive. I've spent time with my friends, laughed about as many things as possible, and followed the typical rule of eat-drink-and-be-merry that usually goes along with the season.

This year is different. This year feels dormant, passive. Perhaps this really is my final leap into true adulthood. I've never felt adult, not even with all my independence and adult responsibility. Maybe this is part of that transition. Is it time for my to put away childish things? I suppose at the age of 25 it might be time to start laying that part of myself to rest.