Meanwhile...

Being back at school has been an interesting experience this semester. I seem to have much less patience for the people around me, as previously stated. It all seems to come in waves. I have my good days, when being around everyone is fun and enjoyable. Then, I have my bad days, when I find the people around me totally insufferable, with a few notable exceptions.

Today, I'm just feeling incredibly left out. I'm sure it seems awfully teenage and emo, but I guess blogging about it is my way of coping with it without having a childish breakdown or crying jag. I'm pretty sure that's on it's way at some point, though. Lord knows that I always manage to have a crying jag at the most inconvenient of times. Of course, all of these feelings were, in a way, precipitated by something even more childish than I'm feeling already, so it all serves to make me feel even more ridiculous. I don't really see any point in rehashing the whole situation in written form because it will just serve to make me seem as ridiculous as I am, which I'm not really interested in right now.

Mostly, I'm just tired of my circumstances. I'm tired of not having a car. I'm irritated with never having any money to do anything with. I'm sick of having to base my life around living with other people when what I really want is some solitude. I hate that I missed two classes last week because I was sick. I hate desperately trying to play catch-up when I can't because the work just keeps getting piled up higher and higher on top of me. I'm tired of doing favors for people who give me attitude or lip.

I guess I'm tired of everything. I wish that I didn't have to think or act or pay attention. It would suit me very well to simply slip away on my own. I'd love to live as a hermit in the woods for a while, shunning the physical and mental ardor that comes along with the expectations associated with being a part of a community. If I thought that going home would serve for me as some kind of small vacation, I might go there. However, it's much easier to be here than it is to be there for a large variety of reasons.

I suppose that I simply have a stunning lack of faith when it comes to other people. I would love to act like I have patience for everyone that happens my way, but the fact of the matter is that my patience is seriously limited. People never fail to disappoint me, but always fail to understand me. I don't know what's more frustrating to me: my anger with them for failing to understand me or my anger with myself for expecting that they might understand me.

Of course, this blog has predictably turned to brain vomit, but I'll go ahead and post it anyways. It's true to the blogosphere to post what you're really thinking. For now, this pessimistic drivel is what's swimming in my tired and pissy head. Sorry, world!