Quick update: turns out that I do have bronchitis, as I had suspected (which I don't think I mentioned on here, but tweeted and facebooked about). No surprises there. I have a prescription for antibiotics and cough syrup, so things should at least get a little less painful soon. That said, let's get serious.
I don't know how many of you keep up with the news. My commitment to being an informed human being is lackadaisical at best. I spend a few days perusing NPR or The Huffington Post on the web, feel informed enough to pass as intelligent, and move on. I admit, even the subject that I am about to bring to your attention now is not the result of an interest in the news, but rather the result of a subscription to a blog.
Bill Zeller was a young man who was a doctoral candidate at Princeton. He was a brilliant computer scientist, and he was responsible for many programs and applications that are very popular today. Bill Zeller cut his own life short after spending years trapped in an emotional hell. Bill Zeller spent his college career attempting to hide the pain of his past and his rage from everyone, and everyone let him get away with that.
I truly, honestly hope that no one in my life is suffering with the kind of secrets and pain that this young man endured in his life. I hope that the people around me know that there is hope, know that there are people that care about them and are willing to help them through. I hope that the people who are in my life are aware that there are alternatives to living in their own pain.
I can't even imagine what it must have been like for Bill Zeller, to be so disconnected and despondent. I can't imagine what it feels like to have no one to trust, not because other people cannot be trusted but because what you have been through dominates the entirety of your life so greatly that you cannot get away from it, cannot escape it's hold on your thoughts and your life. I cannot even being to imagine the extent of the pain that he's experienced in his life to feel like suicide was truly his only option.
We sit in our comfortable lives, complaining about what we don't have so much that we forget what we do have. We forget about the pain of the people around us. We let it slide by because we're so concerned about the cell phone we dropped or the boyfriend we broke up with or the jerk that cut us off in traffic. How many times did Bill Zeller's warning signs slide by his peers because they were so focused on their own troubles, when they really didn't have all that many troubles at all?
Reading Bill Zeller's suicide note is heartbreaking. It left me feeling so cold and empty. I cannot imagine how it is to feel so utterly alone. It is a shame and a failure that people like Bill Zeller slip through the cracks and that we as a society allow it to happen.
All that I can say is that I hope no one whose life I've ever touched feels like suicide is their only way out. I hope that they don't feel like no one cares for them. I hope that, in my future career as a student and as a teacher, people like Bill Zeller will not slide by under my radar.
I encourage you to read Bill Zeller's note, in its entirety, here.
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