Snow Days!

For the first time in what feels like ages, I have some free time!! Of course, this is not because I actually have free time so much as it is because Owens has closed for the last two days, actually allowing me a few moments to stop and catch my breath. It's been nice to find that I have some actual time to myself. For the first time since we moved to Ohio, I've had a nap in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon. In fact, I enjoyed it so much, I plan to have a Wednesday afternoon nap. (I grant you, according to any sleep studies you'll read, this is bad news. However, I'm so far in sleep debt, I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Not only that, but, dammit, I'm going to do something I want to do for once. Sleep studies be damned!)

Of course, what should I be doing with this free time? The answer I give you is the same answer that any student worth their salt should give you: studying. What am I really doing with this free time? Lazing about, something that I ordinarily haven't the time or chance to do. It's liberating in a way that makes me realize that I definitely don't want to do it all the time.

Now, to update my few readers on what has happened in my life as of late!

In Philosophy class, my instructor said something I didn't feel was very cool about the Jewish people. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not Jewish. In fact, I think in past blogs I have discussed my American Baptist heritage. I, however, am not one to tolerate remarks that seem derogatory that are geared towards a race, ethnic group, religion, sexual identity, or otherwise. I don't think that's right. Moreover, I don't believe that it has any place at all in a classroom setting. Needless to say, being the girl that I am, I was not hesitant to call him out on this behavior.

The main response that I got back from him was that his mother was Jewish and, thus, the Jews were his people. And, being his people, he was making fun of himself and it couldn't possibly be wrong. (A note here before I continue: this particular instructor is charming, charismatic, funny, attractive, and has an answer for everything. I often find myself frustrated because I can't think quickly enough on my feet in his presence. As soon as I leave, I find the perfect quip! It's the bane of my philosophical existence--haha!) Needless to say, I couldn't find the words to think of what I felt would be a proper response.

But I kept thinking about it. And, when I had thought it through, I felt good enough about what I had to say to go to his office hours and discuss it with him the next day. I feel a lot better about his class having said what I needed to say. Here's a synopsis:

-I wasn't cool with what you said.
-Where do we cross the line between you can say it because they're your people and I can't say it because they're not my people?
-Your class isn't diverse enough for me.
-The majority of your in class examples revolve around Christianity.
-I'm not always comfortable in your class, and I need to be comfortable with you to learn from you. (Direct quote here!)

He was receptive to my opinion and not defensive at all. He listened to what I had to say without belittling me. He gave justifications for what he did in class, but he never made me feel like less of a person. He told me that he didn't want me to drop his class because he felt like I was vital to our classroom--"Your synapses fire so quickly and you're able to process and contribute. I feel like our class would be diminished if you were to leave." He encouraged me to raise my hand more often to keep us on track and to prod diversity out of him. I left his office feeling good and valued as a student and contributor. We even talked about family. It was good.

Afterward, though, I had some doubts. Did he play to my ego? Did he just say that to appease me? Was I just struck by him because he's attractive and funny, so I was more willing to let things go than usual? This instructor makes me doubt myself! It would be a lot easier for me if I could just hate him. So why can't I? I'm not really sure.

He must have been listening to what I said, though, because the next class period we stayed more on topic than ever before. He included an example from the Islamic faith, rather than examples centered on Christian theology and philosophy. It was great, and I felt like maybe my conversation with him really had accomplished something! Of course, I only felt good about his class until I took his quiz online and missed a question. Five out of six. 83%. That's a B, folks. I'm not cool with B's.

Well, at any rate, I'm doing pretty good for having taken five classes instead of four this semester. Hopefully, I can parlay this into another 4.0 GPA. Seriously, if I lose it, I will cry. I thought I might get a B in a class which would have ruined my 4.0 and I cried. My husband told me, "Jessica, I think you need to understand that a B is a good grade! Other people would be glad to get a B!"

It makes me wonder when I made the leap from mediocre, non-caring student to perfectionist. In high school, I didn't care what my grades were; I just wanted people to stay off of my back. Now, years later in college, an A is the only grade that I'll accept. I fight for every little point. I complete extra credit even when I don't need to do it. How did I make such a drastic shift in attitude? Do I equate self-worth with grades? I can see myself growing ever more nervous about grades as my academic career progresses. This is no good. I need to find a way to stop freaking out about this stuff!

Is it crazy to want too badly to be a good student? Am I getting there?